t h i r t y s i x

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I TOLD HIM not to wake me

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I TOLD HIM not to wake me. I told him to leave without a word, without strings, without feelings. I told him that it was for the best and that it would make things easier for the both of us. 

But I didn't thinking that motherfucking asshole would actually listen to me. 

The one damn time he actually listens and does what I say without fighting back. If he comes back, I swear to all things chocolatey and cheesy that I'm going to kick his ass to a different dimension. 

When I woke up, he was gone. The side of his bed was cold let me know that he had left earlier than I was expecting. I knew it would hurt but then again I'm a dumb bitch and completely underestimated everything. 

But nonetheless, I wiped away my tears, hopped out of bed and downed five and a half cups of coffee like a boss. Noah, who was in the kitchen at the time, wanted to admit me to the Guinness World Records because he was genuinely amazed and terrified at the feral velocity in which I downed the coffee. 

I was happy though because I knew this is what we both needed. Chase needed to explore his own life and possible futures without me. Even though I hated to admit it, our damn strong connection definitely blurred both of our judgement from time to time. 

Soon, I found myself in a routine of sorts. Swims at the beach, trips to the local farmers market, afternoon naps like the damn granny I am, and then sunset dinners on the back porch of David's beach house. 

Vera, Sam and adorable baby Stella were over almost everyday which no one was complaining about. Stella was so damn loved by everyone and she had no idea. She can feel it though, she has to. 

Another regular at the house is Emily. Even though Chase is gone, Emily has been making more appearances in our lives than ever before. She's been getting really close with both Vera and Penn recently which is okay I guess. 

I'm not going to stop them from being friends with her, I can't do that. But I do get annoyed at the inside jokes they share that Emily purposely brings up everytime I'm around. 

She's obviously underestimated my ability of not giving a flying fuck. 

I'm okay with her...for now. But that doesn't mean I'm just going to let it go. I need to keep an eye on her. Call it my bitchy-sense or whatever but in my gut I just know that I can't trust her. I mean, she tried to steal Chase from me. 

That's a severe violation of girl code. 

Levi still wants to light her on fire. So some things haven't changed I guess. 

There's been nights where I just stare at my phone, waiting for Chase to call. I know I told him not to call me but there's still a little part of me that is hoping he does. I wonder if he is thinking about me or if he's going bat-shit crazy like I am. 

Chase is a reminder of everything I can't control—he's always been like that. Maybe that's why I was initially attracted to him. Or I just have a fucked-up kink for pain and heartbreak. Ma'am, this is a Wendy's. 

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