Emancipation

twenty seven

"How did you feel about Natalie making a move on you?" Andrea asks, her eyes fixed on me.

"She apologised profusely about the assumption, and I think I really appreciate that, considering the past events," I say because today we talked about Richard.

As much as I didn't want to, my anxiety had been on the peak this entire week due to my thoughts. So I knew I had to bring it up, much to my displeasure. I repeated the incidents of the night to her and she patiently listened to me, asking the questions only when needed.

Then I went to tell her about my anxiety attack when Chloe touched me, followed by the incident that took place with Natalie. Are therapists always such good listeners? I know she's just doing her job but I feel like there's no sense of judgment that's coming from her side. There wasn't even a single moment where she had pity in her eyes.

"Just to work through things on a basic level, Lillian, I would like you to practice deep breathing any time you start to feel anxious. You have to remember that deep breathing doesn't just mean taking long breaths, but rather focusing on your stomach as you breathe, focus on the movement of your belly because you're ideally supposed to breathe like that." She tells me, drawing a wave on the notepad in front of her to explain to me the process better. "The breathing will start from this low here, go upward, and start to come down again while you continue the process."

"Yes, I understand. Thank you." I nod at her words, registering them in my head.

She gives me a small smile, "Can you tell me what is your diet like?"

"Three meals a day, sometimes two in case I skip dinner or lunch," I tell her honestly.

"See, you can't do that now. You have to take three full meals, it's good that you don't skip breakfast at all. Make sure you're having something every two hours, our body and brain both need the energy, I'm not saying have full meals but maybe fruits, cookies, anything works, just light amounts. When you deprive your body of food, it is bound to become restless." She explains and somehow it makes a lot of sense so I nod along with her.

For the rest of the session, she tells me that I should start with my evening walks again because I mentioned that I used to do that every day but it's been on a pause now for a while. I can always go in the morning before lecture because I know she's right, I do need to get back on that routine.

When I drive back the mansion, my mind goes to James. I feel like we have taken two steps backwards ever since that conversation in his office on Monday. I haven't a stepped foot in the building since that day because I honestly felt a little insulted even though he apologised.

We have barely spoken to each other because I didn't know what to say to him over dinner and he didn't try either. He has been stressed about this deal of his and I want to be supportive, which is exactly what I was trying on Monday, but I'm afraid of it backfiring.

After parking the car in the driveway, I make my way inside the house. To my surprise, James is in the living room, his phone attached to his ear as he's sitting in a pink button-down with grey slacks. The sleeves are rolled up till his arm and his elbows are resting on his knee as he seems to be rubbing his chin with the freehand. He looks stressed like he has looked stress since the last couple of days and I feel a little guilty for not going easy on him.

I sigh as I walk towards him. He notices my presence, pointing towards his phone as he gestures me to wait and I nod, taking a seat beside him. He seems to be discussing logistics on the call so I wait for him to finish.

"Yes, mail me the documents before midnight so I can go over them. I know it's Friday night, I really appreciate it." He sighs, his shoulders are still stiff. "Yes, alright."