Emancipation

fifty seven

The last couple of days of my life have turned things around in a more dramatic way than I could've ever imagined. As I listen to the music playing while my body soaks in the warm bath, I sigh, my eyes fixed on the wall in front of me.

I'm pregnant.                                                     

I found out two days ago, and since then, my mind has been spiralling. The moment I looked at the stick, I knew that my life would never be the same again, no matter what decision I come to.

"Hon, you alright?" James peeks in the bathroom and I jump a little with surprise.

He offers me an apologetic smile at my reaction. I let my heart come back to a normal pace as I look at him, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You've been in there for a while now." He points out as he enters the bathroom completely. "Want to tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours?"

"Thinking." I shrug and he gives me a look, the one where he wants my utmost honesty but I just look away.

He doesn't say a word, just disappointingly shakes his head, removes his t-shirt and pulls down his boxers before coming to stand by the tub.

"Scoot."

I blink up at him, staring at his stark nakedness while he raises an eyebrow, as if waiting for me to get on with it, so I clear my throat and scoot forward. I feel him stepping inside, his skin brushing against mine before he settles down, a bit of soap water spilling out. I yelp and laugh as he pulls me back between his legs, my back pressing against his front.

"Now, what are you thinking about?" He asks, his hand moving on my shoulder as his fingers start brushing down my arms, his lips pressing against the nape of my neck.

A loud sigh leaves me as I give into his touch, craving the comfort it brings along. I bite on my lip, putting together my thoughts in place before turning a little to peek at him.

"Have you adjusted to the idea?"

"I don't think it's a two-day information processing thing, Lil. You cannot force yourself to process such a huge news or make such a rushed decision, you know?" His voice is oddly calm, which is a little soothing because it's opposite than my racing thoughts. He's right, though. Somehow, he always makes sense when I cannot seem to keep it together.

"It's like I'm continuously making a pro-con list in my head and my heart is literally fighting against it," I tell him honestly and he sighs, nodding.

His hands move from my arms down to my sides, coming to rest on my belly as he draws circle on my bare skin and I suck in a breath, my head falling against his shoulder as he kisses my neck again.

"Whatever it is, don't stress too much. It can't be good for you or the pregnancy."

I nod, understanding what he means. It's like I've created such a pressure in my head to come up with a decision as soon as possible, but deep inside, my heart already knows the decision I want to make. I'm just struggling against myself at the moment.

My hand moves to cover his above my belly and his head rests against my shoulder. I know he said it's my decision, and I know it is, but I have to always know how he feels about it too. It's a two-way thing, I cannot make this about myself when we're both equally involved in it.

His initial reaction might not have been the best one, but it wasn't unexpected. Kids have always been a little grey zone for him, but the way he came around to settle his own thoughts to comfort mine, it has been absolutely amazing and I admire him so much for it. There's a reason my love for him has grown so much over the time, it's his actions, it's his love that strengthens mine.