Sunflower

Chapter Seven: Little White Pills

You know those nights where you lay in your bed and you have to put your hand over your mouth so you don't make a sound as tears stream down your face and you can just feel your heart shatter into a million pieces?

I kept having to look over at Maverick to make sure he was still asleep. I couldn't tell but his back was to me so I hoped he was asleep.

* * *

As I finished putting the long sky blue waterfall dress on I had maverick loop the strings in the back, "You gonna tell me what was going on with you last night?" 

"Which part?" 

"The part where you were up from 3 to 6 trying to silently cry," I didn't say anything, "You okay?" 

I nodded sniffing a bit, "Yeah I'm good." 

"Wow," I heard my dad say from behind me.

I turned around, "What?" 

"You. I've never seen you in clothes this nice. You look beautiful," I smiled a bit, "Come here." He pulled me into a hug. But before he walked out of the room he grabbed the crown from my mom on the dresser and placed it on my head, "Better," He smiled. 

The wedding seemed like such a big part of my life a week ago, but now, it was a simple event. Though described by my dad it was the second happiest day of his life, and a huge milestone, I felt nothing. I was empty. Empty of tears. Empty of Sadness. Happiness. Hatred. Everything. It was simply gone. Finn even asked me what he missed... I told him nothing important. 

Even Maverick and Asher seemed lively. Maverick danced with Angie who had shown up to the reception. Asher danced with his grandma and mom. Every slow song my dad would dance with Clara in her long white dress. I sat useless and empty at the table.

The Night We Met by Lord Huron, a traditional wedding song, started playing but instead of my dad dancing with Clara, he walked over to me, "Come on." He grabbed my hand pulling me on the floor. 

"No dad really?" I whined a bit.

"Oh come on. One dance Coco." 

He knew something was wrong with me. And I knew he was worried. He held me close with one arm the other out to the side swaying back and forth. I let my head fall against his chest watching the crowd slow dance as well. 

There it is. Welcome back sadness. 

A single tear dripped down my cheek as my dad kissed the top of my head, "I love you, Kova. I know a lot of things just changed for you but you still have me. I'm not going anywhere Kiddo."

I felt another hand on my back as Clara joined in hugging me. At about 11 o'clock at night, we finally went home. Asher stayed away from me, still mad. Maverick was just super tired. I walked into my dad's room where the opposite side of the bed was now occupied by Clara. It took a minute for my dad to notice I had walked in. He placed his phone down on the charger. 

My dad has this odd 6th sense that I wasn't okay. I could be smiling, and laughing but dying on the inside and my dad would know. 

"Come here baby," He leaned against the backboard of the bed and fixed a spot between him and Clara where I curled up next to him and started crying. Clara took notice and placing her hand on my back like a mother comforting her child. 

"I'm sorry," I muttered. 

"For what baby?" I shook my head feeling as if I needed to apologize for everything I ever did, "No, It's okay. You're okay." My dad and Clara basically stayed up the whole time waiting for me to cry myself to sleep.