Glitter in the Sky | A Shikamaru Love Story

Chapter 44

We walked back to the village in silence. Naruto and Sakura are heartbroken that we weren't in time to save Sasuke. Kakashi keeps glancing at me worriedly because I still haven't stopped crying.  Sai seems upset that the mission failed and that his friends are down. Team 8 is just walking on eggshells. They just discovered that I'm not who I said I was, and like everyone else, now they don't know how to act around me. I feel like I might break at any second.  I want to curl up into a ball and just scream. But I can't. Not until we're home.

Sure, Dei and I had been at odds recently, but he was always my best friend. My first best friend. He could fix anything. We could laugh about everything. He helped me through so much. He helped me stay in the village. He showed me his art before anyone else because he knew I loved it. He understood me better than anyone else. And now he's gone.

And then there's Itachi. My first sensei. I was angry at him for a long time when I discovered that he killed his clan. And even angrier when he put Kakashi and Sasuke into a coma, but I still care deeply for him. And Sasuke took him away from me. I get it. Itachi did a horrible thing, and Sasuke couldn't forgive him. But I'll always miss the Itachi that I knew. He made my life better.

I'll never see either of them laugh or smile again. I'll never help Dei play a prank on someone, or see his art blow up. I'll never get to show Itachi how much I've grown. They're gone, and my heart feels heavy and broken without them. It doesn't feel like I can move on from this. And there's only one person I know, other than Dei, who can fix me at this point. And he probably won't see me. But if he will, maybe my pain will go away. Maybe he can help me forget about Dei and Itachi.

When we arrived at the village, I didn't even stop to talk about the mission. I just kept walking. They can handle it without me. I heard Naruto and Sakura calling after me, but I simply ignored them and sulked through the village. There's only one person I want to see right now. That's where I'm going. It's a stupid decision, and I know that, but I'm too broken to care. I need to see him. He can make me feel less alone. Less hurt. I walked through the village and tried to keep myself from falling apart, but tears are still streaming down my face. They haven't stopped since we left Kisa. There's honestly not much I care to do to stop them. I don't think I could even if I did care. When I got to my destination, I knocked lightly on the door and stood on the porch with my arms crossed over my chest, waiting for an answer.

"Kaori?" Shika asked, barely opening the door. I looked at him and immediately regretted coming here. He glared harshly, and didn't soften when he saw what state I'm in. This was a stupid choice. He doesn't care about me anymore. I shouldn't have come. "What are you doing here?" He asked shortly. I looked down. Maybe if I explain, he'll at least let me in.

"I just-I uh-" I stuttered. I can't form the words. It becomes real if I have to say it, and I don't want it to be real. It can't be real.

"Save it." He shot at me. I winced at his tone, and tears fell down my face harder as I felt my heart shatter. "This is too troublesome. I don't care." He said flatly. I should have expected that, but it hurts nonetheless. I nodded and glanced up at him, trying not to fall apart further. His eyes were still fixed in a glare. I guess he's still mad. I would be if I were him.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have come." I whispered and turned away to go home. I heard the door close behind me, and I shut my eyes tightly. I felt my world crumbling around me. Dei is gone. Itachi is gone. Hidan and Kakuzu are gone. Sasori is gone. Shika hates me. I'm sure the others do too. I tried to cry quietly as I walked home. Everything hurts, and I'm all alone. I just want it to stop. I'm  desperate for the pain to stop. I need to forget.

When I opened the door to my apartment, it was empty. I raised an eyebrow, and activated my shuhogan, checking for Kakashi's chakra. He's not here. I bet he hates me too for feeling sad about losing criminals. I sighed and made an impulsive decision that would at least numb the pain. That's all I care about right now. I'm in so much pain and, I just want it to stop. I need it to stop.