Sanditon Season 2: The River and the Man

Chapter 16

Standing against the Trafalgar house mantelpiece he cursed himself. His jaw clenched tightly only opening enough to drown his emotions with scotch.

"Dr. Fuchs just left," Mary said sitting down.

Sidney looked to her haggard face. "My apologies Mary. I should not have gone off on him like that."

She sighed. "I'm afraid you are not to blame dear Sidney, you have done everything possible." sitting down shakily she closed her eyes. "My dear Tom was already killing himself with this insane town."

Sidney looked over to the town model and smiled. "His dream was good Mary... He just didn't quite understand how to make it a reality." he winced. "He never respected his limitations. To be honest it is one of the things I most admire about him."

Mary smiled. "Indeed. If you cannot imagine it how can it ever become," she said staring into the flames.

"Will he recover?" Sidney asked concerned.

She nodded and wiped her face. "Some attack of the heart or some such. He is resting now with some help from Dr. Fuchs." she took a deep shaking breath. "I could use you around here for the next few weeks to help him back to his feet."

Looking away torn he thought of Charlotte and his ward back in London. He was supposed to be there by the end of the week but now Tom's health put matters into consideration.

"Whatever you require Mary." he sighed. "I will do what I can."
Taking his hand in hers she wept. "Oh dear Sidney...how did it go all wrong?"

He patted the top of her hand with his free one. "It is largely my doing," he said reflectively that night. His mood was dark but he could see where he had gone wrong the last number of months and it didn't give him any peace.

"How could that be?" she asked confused her brow furrowed and more wrinkles had sprouted and dabbing at her eye with her embroidered handkerchief.

He sighed. "To be objectively honest I probably did not do enough to secure more investors. I told myself I was doing enough...and Tom was right what he said earlier tonight." Pain etched his face cruelly.

"I never really believed in Sanditon." he was lost in the memories while confessing his great burden of guilt. He took a harsh drink from his glass.
Mary sat holding her breath and her tears as she listened to her dear brother-in-law's raw confession.

"For many years I eluded entanglements including familial. This project is what brought me back from Antigua and I resented it, Miss Lambe...all of it." His exhale was potent with regret and the fumes of scotch that it actually burned his nose and he grimaced.

Mary shook her head. "But you tried."

He nodded. "Yes, I did start to try...but that was only after Charlotte-" he winced. "Miss Heywood had accused me of being reluctant to help Tom," he mumbled something even he wasn't entirely sure what.

Mary sniffed. "But you changed your mind," she said reaching again for his hand.

He cleared his throat. "I am a successful speculator. I conduct my work in drinking houses and other places of ill repute that should not be known to gentle ladies' ears. I eluded the normal social gatherings of the Ton and Beau Monde, neither seeking their approval or business unless it was in a place of ease and comfort for me." He looked to the flames. "I was an outlier because I was afraid." his eyes dropped.

Sitting forward she indicated that she still hoped he would keep talking.

"Truth is, I could have exploited a good many connections but I didn't until it was too late and Tom had already started making riskier chances with his diminished funds." he looked to her now. "When the pavilion burned and we only had a week I had a very limited time to accomplish a nearly impossibly feat, all because I didn't want to when I had the chance." Standing he put down his glass on the mantle and leaned. "I blamed Tom for my loss of Charlotte... But it is not entirely him. You see a good many things were at play when it all came crumbling down. "Old Mr. Stringer's death could have been avoided if I helped fund for more men and he would not have been there working into the night starting the fire in the first place."

She wept in her chair. "Sidney, no... You cannot blame this entire thing on yourself," she said reaching her hand soothingly to his shoulder.

He cleared his throat. "I know I do not shoulder the blame entirely but it does not change the fact that it all caused me and Charlotte to be in a situation I would rather altered." He said his gaze hard on the flame. "We can't be together and there is no way out."

Their hands connected in their shared grief. Sidney did not cry. Gentlemen were never seen to cry.