Chasing Happiness [Complete]

Of letters, confessions and stolen kisses

A really long one, but I think it's worth it? hehe. Don't scroll down to the end first, please join Kong in the journey of reading this (:

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Arthit,

Should I intro this like the usual intro you see on letters read on some dramas?

If you received this letter, then you must have found me, right? But I am sure that I am no longer in this world. Before you get sad, I want to say that I lived the 20 years of my life happily, so I have no regrets.

Wait, I have two.

That is hurting and leaving you without saying goodbye.

When I met you in Pattaya, I really had no idea it was the real you. I thought it was just someone who looks like 'you.' Do you really think I didn't recognize you? Arthit Rojnapat? Come on!

But at that time, I wasn't sure, so I just went casual with you. I was happy that you responded. Did you know that you are my first 'friend' here in Thailand? Just how lucky can I be to be friends with a superstar as they call you.

At first, I thought it was just friendship, no strings attached... but I found myself getting drawn to you the more that we got to know each other. We spent time together in your free time, we exchanged messages, I just really felt special. It was something I never felt before as the only special treatments I received were due to my condition.

When I told you I like guys, it was the first. I really liked you at that time, Arthit. It was more than just liking you as a friend and since I wanted to live my life without regrets, I confessed to you. I was dumbstruck when you confessed as well. No shit I almost peed!

Kong found himself chuckling. He never met him, but he can somehow hear a voice in his head while he is reading. He glanced at Arthit as he can feel him staring. He gave him a smile before he resumed reading.

It was okay at first. We were okay, right? It was fun, it was ideal as what I said. Then, later on, I felt like reality slapped me hard.

I wasn't just dating anyone, I was dating Arthit Rojnapat – the always busy and workaholic superstar that the public loves. I suddenly found myself feel like I was competing against your work, your fans, and everyone else, and I am not used to that.

I am selfish, I know. I am used to just having my parents' attention to me even if I have a younger sister. I was used to having everything in my favor. I got spoiled, so not having your entire attention and time to me was something that I hated.

One day, I was moping at home since we were supposed to go out but you suddenly had a schedule so you canceled last minute. Dad saw me. He asked me a question that struck me so hard. 'Are you with Arthit because you love him or are you with Arthit because he is making you feel something you never felt before? Is this just all for experience?' and I wasn't able to sleep thinking about that.

Believe me Arthit, I never used you just to experience a relationship. What I felt was true... at the beginning. The thrill of going on secret dates was fun, the thought of going out with you was something I looked forward to, and the time I spent with you were some of the best times I have spent in my life.

But I realized the feeling slipping out. Later on, I realized that it was just a passing feeling. The likeness, the love... it just passed and it did not stay on my side... but it did on yours. I felt it Arthit. You were so sincere towards me and that made me feel guilty.