secret diary ; yeongyu [writing]

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Song recommendation that fits the atmosphere: Over and Over Again by Taehyun

Beomgyu woke up and saw Yeosang preparing his school stuff. "Oh Beomgyu, you're awake! You can borrow something to dress and then my mom will drive you to your house. Your mom is really worried."

Beomgyu nodded also if he understood only a pair of words.

Twenty minutes later they were in front of Beomgyu's house. Yeosang looked at Beomgyu and held his hands thightly. "Don't think about it okay? I'll be back right after school. Now go and take care!" he said to his best friend.

Beomgyu nodded, still not remembering anything from the previous day since it was early in the morning and he was pratically asleep. (me on Monday)

One second later he found himself being hugged by his mother. "Beomgyu! How have you been? Are you okay? Did you already eat breakfast?". Beomgyu looked at her in confusion, she never asked so much things and this was the first time in his life.

"Where's dad?" Beomgyu asked and his mother replied that he went somewhere with that Karen (lol) on holiday because he needed "a rest from his problems". Pathetic.

"Do you feel like going to school?" she asked to him and Beomgyu shook his head. That was the last thing he wanted to do. "I'll just rest in my room, I'm not hungry." he said and went upstairs in his bedroom.

***

"Beomgyu! It's lunch time!" the boy heard his mother knocking on the room's door and woke up. "I'm not hungry." he muttered and went back under the blankets.

Now that he was awake he suddenly started remembering everything, and he felt like he was reliving all what happened. No matter how Beomgyu si sforzasse to not think, Yeonjun's voice always returned back in his head.

'I... I'm sorry.'

"FUCKING SORRY ABOUT WHAT?" Beomgyu screamed after bursting into tears once again. He hugged his pillow. He wished he was a girl, so everything could be easier. But no, he had to be born as a boy who liked other boys.

Back to Yeosang...

"Oh, here you are." Yeosang sighed, he had searched for Soobin in all the school and found him in the garden talking with Kai. "Excuse me Kai, but I have to steal your boy for a while." he winked at the younger.

"Do you saw Yeonjun?" Soobin asked when they were finally alone. "He's not in our class." he said and Yeosang rolled his eyes in frustration "Guess who's skipping classes for a stupid dickhead?"

Soobin's eyes widened "Do you really want to miss classes only because of him?" he asked. "Of course. I want to solve this as soon as possible, I'm worried for Beomgyu." Yeosang replied walking towards the exit.

A professor glared at them but luckily didn't asked anything.

"Can you tell me now what really happened yesterday?" Soobin almost shouted since he seemed the only one who know nothing about it.

"Beomgyu confessed Yeonjun but he ran away from him and I had to save Beomgyu from being hit by a car since he was crying in the middle of the street. He's pratically having a dejavu what happened to him years ago, and that's why he is so fragile when it comes to love. I know it because I was the first who helped him."

"Oh."

They took a bus and arrived at Yeonjun's house. Soobin knocked on the door and tried to call Yeonjun on phone, but he didn't replied. "I don't know what else to do." Soobin sighed and looked sadly at Yeosang.

"We'll try tomorrow. He can't hide forever" Yeosang said and Soobin nodded. 'He really cares about Beomgyu' the taller thought.

Later ...

When Yeosang opened Beomgyu's bedroom door, he found him asleep in front of the television with a kdrama playing. He sighed as he switched it off and shook Beomgyu so he would wake up.

"Yeosang" the boy whispered with a smile. Yeosang looked at him, he had red cheeks and small eyes and his hair was a mess. Plus, he was wearing a pijama. "Don't tell me you were all day here." he said worried.

Beomgyu laughed in a way that made Yeosang ask if he was actually drunk.

"He's in my head. And he won't go away." Beomgyu said and breathed heavily, he could feel he was about to cry for the hundreth time that day. He hated crying, it reminded him once again how much he was weak.

"Don't think about it. I'll solve this, I'm going to talk to him." Yeosang carried Beomgyu on the bed and tried to relax him. "NO! H-he probably don't want to see me again" Beomgyu cried and Yeosang saved him from falling on the floor.

"Don't say something you don't know.". Beomgyu looked at his best friend, was he by Yeonjun's side? "H-how do you know?" he asked.

Yeosang smiled at him "You'll see."

***

1 day later ...

[Yeonjun]

 Today, as I did yesterday, I woke up early and of course I didn't want to go to school. I lied to my mom about it twice, she was pretty surprised to see me going out at six... And I didn't want to see my father, everytime he looks at me I'm afraid that he knows my secret.

It's past lunch time now, and I'm still walking around the city without knowing where I'm going. My legs hurt so much and my phone ran off battery. Such a happiness.

I thought about going back to Beomgyu, because I left him alone. I thought about telling him that I love him and that I fucking don't care about what my parents opinion. Trust me I really thought about it. But it's not as easy as it seems to be and I'm just a seventeen years old boy trying to figure out this world.

I need time. I'm not a hero.

At the end of the road I see a pub, I put my hand in my jeans' pocket and find some money. I know what I'm going to do it's not right, but I need something to stop thinking about all what's happening to me.

Soobin said I'm selfish, even my last girlfriend said it. When I broke up with her everyone looked bad at me for making her cry, I was the bad guy. And nobody cared about me, that I also have my feelings and my behaviour.

I stop in front of the pub, already prepared to lie i'm 18 to buy a beer. This is not how I can solve my problems. Let's see, so, do I like Bomgyu? Fuck yes. Will my parens accept me? Fuck no.

Well, this is how life works.

You find something that makes you happy? Then you'll probably not have it. Or, you can put yourself in a shitty situation and get it.

I need him, I know I need Beomgyu. Ya'll know what? Today I'm going to fuck up my life! Yay!

With that, he turned around knowing exactly where to go, hoping he'll be forgiven by a special someone.

1175 words

YEONJUN YOU LITERALLY JUST GOT A SELF-UPGRADE

And yes, go get your Beomgyu! He's waiting