Untold Secrets

Chapter 26

(The Letter)

Dear Lover,

Soon we are to get married.

Just one more week to go....

I am wearing your ring in my hand and recalling the time when we got engaged last year. 

I didn't know a lot about you...

I am sitting on my terrace and wondering what if after 5-6 years of our marriage, you realize I am not the one? Or maybe you feel I am too fat or maybe I am too thin or maybe just too average!

What if my dark brown eyes seem to be dull after a few years. Those dark circles you said are special and are pretty what if you start to feel that they make my face uglier! 

What if you start to feel that that nose of mine is crooked and has spots, those lips aren't curvy and are thin. Would they be better if they would be broder?

What if those veins on my hands look ugly to you? What if you wonder why I got so tanned? When I was home all day? What if you get to know about my past and you get furious. You hate me for not telling you? What if you find me dirty? What if you think I am useless and not lovable? What if you think I have just too many insecurities? 

What if I am not a good wife? What if you go to your friends house and his wife cooks delicious food and keeps the house much cleaner then I do? What if you see that their child is much smarter than our child? Would you blame me for it? Maybe I wouldn't be as good as her and I couldn't raise our child in the best way?

What if all of a sudden you start to feel that all the other women in this world are better than me and I am too slow at everything. What if you get bored by my face? What if you think it is too pale? 

What if one day I see your inappropriate texts with a woman and I lie to myself that maybe it wasn't you who was chatting or some other reason....What if I think I misunderstood and then one day I see you sleeping with someone? Would I cry, stand there numb or run away or maybe keep quiet because of our child and I think that maybe I should give you another chance for the sake of our love and our marriage. 

You come to me and say that you don't love me anymore and that there is no charm in me. You laugh on my insecurities and how dumb I am. You tell me how bored you are of me and how there is nothing special about me. 

I am left alone! I don't know if you would come back now. 

XoXo

You will never read this!

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Aahil's eyes filled with tears and he hugged Kinza tight and kept on saying, "I love you"

"Allah why are you crying?" asked Kinza. 

"I hate it you know that, I can't even imagine the pain you went through when you wrote this.

Kinza froze for a moment thinking about the time when she was all alone and Hayat visited her  sometimes, and Hayat didn't know about this letter. How her room changed from full of colors to complete white just like her life.

"Kinzu.. Sun rahi ho na? (You are hearing me right)" asked Aahil to Kinza who was lost in her thoughts. 

"I am sorry, I didn't hear anything," said Kinza, smiling. 

"No problem, now have this food with me. You didn't even eat anything" said Aahil, giving Kinza a morsel. 

"Aahil, I am sorry. It was your best friend's sister's wedding and you had to leave without even informing him" said Kinza guilty.