ABDICATION

47.

My voice was low but by the shock on her face I'm assuming that she heard me well. She looked so innocent,  so pure in the moonlight that I almost wanted to adore her for a while.

Or maybe for my whole life.

I noticed how she blinked rapidly as if dispersing the shock from her head. She step closer to me and I just stand there waiting for what she would do next.

I might be the future king of this Kingdom and everybody see me like one. But no one ever saw my vulnerability. Not even my own parents.

Why does it seems like she can?

I don't know what's eating me up more here?

Am I worried about, why only  she can see through me  or why only she can see through me?

I look away. I have never feel this naked in front of anybody before. I fear if she would just like into my eyes, I will pour out all my sorrows of life. A single touch from her and I want to melt into her arms.

I can't be this vulnerable?

I look at the moon and adore it for a moment. My inside shivered violently when I felt her soft touch on my shoulder. But I didn't react. I couldn't.

"When I was a kid I wanted to be a boy. "

Then I heard her laughter. The second sound I'm fond of. Other than her anklets. Those will always be the first.

I couldn't help but let out a smile. I scoot down to my knees in order to sit down. I patted the space in front of me for her to sit.

"I can tell you have a long story to tell. " I challenged her. I received the challenge right back by hers.

Then she turn around and bring two cushions with her for us to sit.

"We have long stories to tell." She replied while sitting and I already knew I'm not getting out of it easily.

"You start." I orders and for the second time in her life she obeyed me.

"So when I was a kid. I always saw my cousins, who are all boys, almost everyday. I use to observe them a lot. They do what they want. They eat what they want. They wear what they want. Not like they had much choices though. They can wear the same clothes for days and nobody would even notice. They can talk back. They can walk around the streets. They can play as much as they wanted. They had to go school. Like why would you say no to school right. The studies, the teachers and mostly the friends. They could ask anything they want from their parents without worrying about what they will think."

"That's not true. " I didn't wanted to stop her but I had to.

"Exactly. I was a kid back then. I thought being a boy will be the only solution of getting out of the trap of was in. Though my parents aren't that strictly but it's the society that makes the rules. Girls aren't allowed to roam free in street. If she is then she is asking for it. If she she some skin then she is asking for it. If she dress up well then she must want to attract somebody because she is asking for it. If she talk back then she is demanding to be tamed."

Suddenly she paused and waited.

"If she is being with other male before marriage then she is characterless and doesn't deserve any respect." She suddenly look away and blinked.

"If she want to prove herself equal to men then she just want attention or wealth." She blinked and her voice shivered.

"If she take a stand for herself or any other woman then we are suddenly the one who are manipulating the laws. "