ABDICATION

53.

I just sat there motionless. My mind stormed up with thousands of things and I couldn't focus straight. Bringing up yukt back was never my choice.

It was my only option. 

Am I being selfish?

Am I being selfish if I said that half part of me wanted to stay close to the Prince?

Am I being selfish if I want to enjoy being with him a little more?

I would never admit it that me coming back to this place has another reason that just saving my father's reputation.

It's my redemption.

Of all the lies I have spoken.

Of all the sins I have ever done.

I have to stay close to my love yet far away from him.

I can't have him. How much time I need to accept this fact?

We can't be together.

We are not mean to be.

I walked to my bed and sit down with a huff. I look at the mirror in front of my bed.

I can't believe I am doing this.

I stare at the fake moustaches on my upper lip and keep staring until it began to look ugly. I removed it in a go. Then I let go of the big valleys I was wearing. My feet look bare without anklets.

I don't know for how much time I can keep this act up.

What if somebody find out?

What if my father decided to join back before one month?

What if the king return?

And most importantly

How I'm going to face the Prince now?

I shiver at the thought..

The confrontation of my love had bring a disaster to both of us. Is it a sign that indicates that it's not supposed to be happen ever?

Today, I was so determined to ran away.

So close to the gate that would have led me away from all this mess I have created.

I was in reach of those gates. But I decide to surprise myself when I turn away from the doors..

The first reason to turn away was not my father. It was randhir.

I still remember the day he looked so vulnerable while talking about what he really wanted to be.

How could I fall for him so quick?

I didn't turn away because I love him.

I turned away because he loves me.

How could he even fall for a woman like me?

I myself don't know what I'm doing? Who don't know where she will be when it's all going to end?

Could things go back to normal as it was before his father got injured?

You have created this mess sanyukta now you are going to sort it out.

I took a deep breath.

First I have to made sure that my father didn't return before this one month time is over. I had promised the Prince that I would leave only one day before he become the king.