The Hidden Past (BWWM) (COMPLETED)

Selfish

Chrissy's POV

When I woke up I found myself alone and Lorenzo was nowhere in sight. I can't believe I did that and I know I've done a lot of fucked up shit but I've never been a cheater. I'm so stupid and now I have no idea how I'm going to explain this to Deacon. First, he knows I've been lying to him about who the hell I am and now I have to tell him I slept with Lorenzo.

I go to stand up and gather my clothes and I really can't believe my Black ass was just ass naked on a damn rock in a damn cave. "Black people don't do this shit," I whispered to myself.

As I button my pants I look up to see Lorenzo running towards me. I put my shoes on to meet him half way.

"I think I've found a way out. Well, a possible way out... I notice the current was moving south so I walked about a mile down. It's more illuminate down there so I think we could possibly find an exit. We need to move quickly to keep our body tempature up. The leading cause of death in caves is hypothermia." He says as he points in the direction and looks back to me.

My eyes follow his hand and I nod as he explains. He caught me smirking.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing," I chuckle and start walking.

"No, what's so funny?"

"It's just I never knew you were knowledgeable about this kind of stuff." I make a gesture with my hand acknowledging the water and cave.

"Well if you must know...I use to be a boy scout." He states and I bust out laughing.

He rolls his eyes and begins to walk away mumbling under his breath.

"Wait, I'm sorry. It's just you're a big bad mob boss. It's just...it's...hahaha." I continue as he glares at me with anger.

"Well, asshole. I wasn't a mob boss at seven years old. My brothers and I did have a somewhat normal childhood." He explains as we're walking.

"So, what are we going to do when we get out of here? Matteo is still out there somewhere and what if he tries to come..." I was interrupted by him stopping and facing me.

"I'll kill him. Simple." And with that he continues to walk.

"What about the others? Do you think they got out safely?" I asked him.

"The last person I saw was Deacon. Everyone else I have no clue. I have faith in Sal and Tony. I know they made it out and if they did so did Keisha and Naomi. I'm pretty sure Sam and Serg are good too." He states.

I trust his word and I know that he's being logical and I'm just being an emotional wreck. I can't lose anyone else especially my girls. Not after how I abandoned them. My tongue weighs heavy as I have so much on my mind. I want to mention somethings but I'm not sure if this is the right time.

"What?" Lo asks as he breaths heavily in between breaths.

He continues. "I know you have something on your mind. So just spit it out." 

"While I was gone how was Keisha and Naomi? I mean we spent a few hours alone and somewhat talked but I know they're not easily forgiving" He stops walking and aggressively turns to me and squints his eyes in confusion.

"How the fuck do you think they were Chrissy?" He barks as I jump.

He shakes his head. "You know you're probably one of the most selfish people I've ever met.

"Selfish?!" I yell back.

"Yes, selfish! You literally put your two bestfriends through hell thinking you were dead. And at the same damn time you had secret slumber parties with Sam's ass.  I like Sam but you hadn't even known her that got damn long. Meanwhile, you missed out on weddings and births! You really played the fuck out of me and I can take that L. But you've know them since you were a child and you couldn't respect them enough to just reach out and say you were okay." He cupped his hands behind his neck and steps back to collect himself.

"I deserved that. But no one knew what I was going through!" I plead with him.

"Did you at any point bother to ask for help?" He asks.

Silence.

He continues. "Exactly. By your actions, you are selfish! You only think about Chrissy and every time it bites you in the ass." 

"What could you have done? There was nothing no one could do! I had to heal on my own. You weren't pregnant so you don't know what it's like to have a baby ripped away from you!" At this point as was screaming as tears came pouring at.

"That may be true. But at the end of the day it was my seed that created our child. She was very much mine as she was yours." He walks up to me. "And as you were out trying to find yourself and do shit to piss me off. I was at home alone, mouring the loss of my child. Then, you went across the U.S. and started living your best life and I thought you were dead! At that point I was mouring the loss of two people I loved to death and would kill for. So you and I are not the same!" He says as he stares at me grimly.

"Lorenzo, you told me to leave! That was you!" I point at him angrily.

"Don't put this shit on me! You know damn well we could have worked it out. I kicked you out my damn house not my fucking life. You and I both know I had no intentions of giving up on us, until now!" He stops abruptly as if he misspoke.

"Wait what? What do you mean until now?" I look at him trying to find answers.

 "So, back there when we made love? Was I just a fuck to you?" I asked him.

He ran his hands through his hair. "That's exactly what it was Chrissy, we're literally trapped in the middle of fucking no where. Our adrenaline was high and it just happened."

He continues. "I truly thought I could get over everything and get passed it. But this just brought up so many emotions and the truth is I don't think I could ever be with you again. I know you've been through a lot and I will help you bring down Matteo. And what happened between us you have my word that I want say anything to Deacon about it. But after all this is over and Matteo is dead...I don't want to see you, ever again. " 

And with that he walks away.

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FYI- As a writer, I'm trying to get better with descriptive words and I don't think I gave an accurate depiction of their location. The area is not directly under the house it is mile away from the home. The castle was built on land that had bodies of water underneath. So, they're in an underground cavelike structure that has a river flowing through it. See picture for imagery purposes.

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