God of Speed's Redemption

Chapter 33

"Can I ask you something?" Asked Caitlin suddenly. She was still at my lair and she insisted that the lair needed a makeover because it was so dark and gloomy in here. "You can see the cobwebs." She said and she was right. I hadn't bother cleaning the lair.

I didn't argue with her on that and now we were cleaning. I was grateful for her help.

"Yeah." I finally replied.

"Why did you let me—her come with you? You didn't even know Frost. I'm just trying to understand here. I thought you wanted a fresh start."

I hesitated for a second, contemplating on whether I should tell her the truth. I decided I should. It was Caitlin after all. He can trust her.

"I do know her. We were friends."

"Pardon?" Caitlin froze and blinked at him.

"I'm sorry let me explain. I know I'm not making any sense." I explained quickly. "In the future when—you know I was created—you know that I've been shunned, but you don't know the full story because I haven't told anyone." I paused for a moment trying to read her expression but it was carefully blank.

"Frost was locked away and I would often come and visit her since we were both abandoned. We became friends. So yes, I do know her and you can imagine my surprise when I saw her again weeks ago. I didn't think I would see her again. At least not this way."

Caitlin was silent. "Thank you for telling me." Her voice was suddenly strained and she looked uncomfortable.

"Caitlin." I took a step towards her but almost instantly, she backed away. I tried to mask the hurt and surprise. After all, I was Savitar. I don't show emotions or vulnerability.

"I just remembered, I have this something I have to do." She said. She was such a terrible liar. He could tell that there was no something. "I have to go."

"Caitlin, wait," I said surprising her and me. Normally I would just let her go. Why do I care? But for some reason, he didn't want to mess things up between them.

"That's not the main reason why I let her come with me."

"Then what is it?" Her voice was a whisper.

"Because...I realized that I needed you."

She blinked at him in surprise and opened her mouth but I continued.

"I was about to go to Spain when I ran into Frost. And even before then, there was a part of me that didn't want to go."

"I thought that was what you wanted. To start over." She said slowly.

"I do want to start over, I still do but a part of me...didn't want to be alone. I have been alone for a long time Caitlin and there was never a moment where I hated it but moving to Spain alone, I was reluctant somehow."

Her brown eyes seemed lighter and it glitters in the sunlight that shone through when Caitlin had opened the windows earlier, lecturing him to let some light in and that he shouldn't live like a vampire hiding from the sun.

"You were the only person who was willing to help me, Caitlin. You cared about me. You've been there for me when no one wasn't. And yes, part of the reason was that Frost was my friend and I didn't want to leave her but it was also because of you. I needed you by my side even if it wasn't you and it was your alter-ego."

He flushed after he finished talking and took a shaky breath. His chest pounded and he was almost afraid that Caitlin would hear it. He didn't think he had ever said so many words before. At least not at once. He mostly kept to himself for almost his whole life. He used to be a killer after all and he was broken and there was darkness in him after his friends and family had shunned him like he was a disposable hero. Seeing team flash used to be a constant reminder that he hated it but now, because of Caitlin, it was getting easier bit by bit.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't realized Caitlin had walked up to him and was standing right in front of him.

She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Savitar, I had no idea."

"I am pretty good at keeping things to myself after all I had plenty of practice being alone."

She ignored his snippy comment. She was biting her lip absentmindedly again which indicates that something was on her mind. "I should have offered to come with you. At least until you've settled down."

Now it was my turn to look surprised. I didn't even bother to hide my expression. "Caitlin that wasn't what I was implying—"

"No, I should have known better. As you said, you've been alone for most of your life with only Frost for company so I understand why you did what you did. I'm not blaming you for it. You may be a speedster but you're also human with human emotions. I should have come with you when I gave you that comms device in front of Barry's house."

"I still have it you know. The device you gave me." I took it out of my pocket and held it in my palm. "Do you want it back?"

She smiled at him wearily. "I'm surprised you still have it. And no, you can keep it if you want. Although it probably won't be much use now since you're here."

"Are you going to go back? To Spain?" She asked him.

"I think I will. There's nothing for me here."

She saw a flash of hurt in her eyes but it quickly disappeared so he thought he must have imagined it.

"Well, when you do, let me okay? I'll help you settle down."

I smiled thinly. "I appreciate what you're saying Cait, but it's not necessary. Your life is here and your friends are here and I can take care of myself."

She pursed her lips. "Cait, you called me Cait. Only Barry has called me that before.

I wavered and my mouth twitched. "I'm sorry it just slipped out." I hadn't even realized I called her that until she pointed it out.

She shook her head. "No, it's quite alright." She smiled at him. "You've never called me that before so you surprised me that's all. You must remember Barry calling me that from your memories."

Her eyes suddenly grew wide. She must have remembered that it was a sensitive topic to him. About Savitar being a temporal duplicate of Barry which meant he remembers everything about Barry. Fortunately, the ring Caitlin has given him, stopped him from receiving new memories of Barry but from before that, he still has Barry's memories.

"Sorry." She quickly said. "I know you don't like being compared to Barry—"

I interrupted her. "No, it's fine." I took a deep breath.

She seemed surprised. "It is?"

"Yeah." I nodded at her. It surprised him as well but he meant it. His temper wasn't quick like it was before and he normally would have yelled at her and probably start a fight but to his surprise, he didn't want to. Maybe Caitlin was right. Maybe he has changed and he didn't know if it was a good or bad thing.