God of Speed's Redemption

Chapter 37

Savitar didn't speak a word to her the whole way and she was grateful for it. She needed the silence to think of the best way to tell him that she took the cure. Given Savitar's nature, it was no doubt he would be pissed at her. He probably might even think that I betrayed him. She didn't know if he would forgive her for this, but she has to try. She has to tell him at least.

We ordered our coffees and sat down. She was almost glad that Jitters was crowded. The sound of people chattering filled the silence between them. She could tell Savitar was waiting for her to speak first. She was the one who asked him to come after all.

I put my hands around the mug immediately when the waitress finally arrived with the coffee and took a sip. I closed my eyes for a moment, letting the caffeine get to her. Coffee was the one thing that keeps her calm and focused.

"I just want to thank you again for what you did for me. I will always be grateful for that. It must not have been easy to betray Frost like that; I know she was your friend."

She knew that it wasn't easy for him to betray Frost. The old Savitar probably wouldn't even blink an eye to do something like this. It would have been a piece of cake for him. But she knew in her heart that Savitar has changed since then. She could tell by looking in his eyes.

"I know it was the right thing to do." He told her looking straight into her eyes.

"I almost didn't but—I had to get you back. There was no other option." His voice was flat but that didn't fool her. She knew what it took for him to say those words. To risk being vulnerable. She knew he hated showing any kind of emotions. This was amazing progress already. Besides, he just told her that he cared about her indirectly.

His words and his intense gaze sent a shiver through her.

He continued. "She was getting out of control—I know that sounds hypocritical given the person I am—"

"Was," I whispered. "You're not that person anymore." This conversation between them was going so well that she almost didn't want to tell the real reason why she wanted to talk to him. She didn't want to provoke him but she was obligated to tell him. She owes him that much at least.

Savitar bit his lip. "She contacted Amunet—she was trying to get rid of you for good. At least I can trust you with her. I don't trust her with you. She's still a part of you just locked away."

Great. My guilt just tripled right then. I've already broken his trust and got rid of his only friend—besides me. He's going to hate me now. I thought bitterly.

Savitar leaned over and waved a hand in front of her face. "Earth to Caitlin. Say something."

"I have something to tell you and you're going to hate me for this. I understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore—"

He frowned, his brows furrowing. "What is it? You're making me anxious."

I took a deep breath, bracing myself. "I took the cure."

To her surprise, he smirked. "I know that I was there when Cisco gave you the cure."

"Oh, not that cure," I said quickly, a pit already forming in my stomach.

"I can't live like this Savitar—I couldn't. So I went to my mom and asked her to make a permanent cure for me."

His smile wavered. "What are you saying?"

"You know what I'm saying. She almost destroyed my life when she took over me. She hurt Joe—innocent civilians could have been hurt or worse. I couldn't let her be free again.

The silence between them was overwhelming. The air is thick with tension.

"Savitar...say something, please."

He shook his head and leaned back. "You know I thought you were better than this. You just killed a part of you."

I threw my hands up. "What was I supposed to do?! I couldn't live, wondering when she'll take control over me, wondering when I will wake up as her."

"Did you regret what you did? Even just a tiny bit?" He sounded freakishly calm. I expected him to fly off the rails.

I pondered for a moment. "I don't know. Maybe. I—I don't know what I feel about this. But does it matter?"

If he didn't look angry earlier, he certainly looked angry now. She saw a flash of irritation across his face.

"Of course it matters! And if you despised her so much, how about consider not doing the exact thing she tried to do to you. How about you both stopped hurting each other and embrace each other instead? Have you ever thought of that? You two are entwined."

I scoffed. "It's a bit too late for that now. And I don't get it." I leaned towards him. "I know she was your friend, but she tried to kill you too."

His eyes widened. "How did you—"

"Barry filled me in. I know what happened when she escaped the pipeline." I waved away the words.

I was suddenly getting angry. Though at him or herself? She wasn't sure. "So enlighten me. I thought you would be hell-bent on exterminating her for good. I thought you would be pleased."

She saw the hurt expression on his face for a brief moment but she couldn't stop herself from saying the next words. She knew that what Savitar said was true, and he was only trying to help. She should be grateful. Instead, she said some horrible things that she knew she was going to regret. The words rushed out of her before she could stop herself.

"I know people change, but I thought it might be harder for you to break out of your old habits."

His eyes grew wide and he looked like I just slapped him. But she knew what she said stung more than slapping.

I faltered a bit. "I—I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. What you said was true, every bit of it. I don't know what came over me." I stammered like an idiot, but she knew that the look on his face that she saw earlier was going to be etched in her brain.

"Wow. I didn't realize you thought that low of me. Although I probably deserved that. For the horrible things, I did in the past."

I blinked at him. Okay, she seriously did not expect him to agree with her. He did something next that astonished her.

He reached over and touched her cheek lightly and I froze. His touch was light and his fingers were cold. "I changed into this person that I barely recognize anymore; because of you Caitlin."

I gaped at him. "You taught me not to dwell on hate and bitterness. To let go of the anger. You showed me that there was another way. You taught me to be a bigger person."

"You know it's kind of ironic that you're the peaceful one and lecturing me about doing the right thing." I chuckled and immediately cursed myself silently.

Why do I always turn to bad jokes and humor when I don't know what to say. He caught her speechless, and she usually says stupid things when she was speechless.

He smiled thinly. "Frost was a gift, Caitlin. Not a curse." He stood up suddenly. "I have to go."

I opened my mouth to say something but he was already pushing the door, leaving me staring speechless after him.