Roommates...

Opening up

Possible trigger warning again? Same as last chapter, it doesn't go into the suicide, more about coping with somebody that killed themselves.

(Leah's pov)

The last week since I got the call about Michael has been tough to say the least. I didn't really want to think about it too much, so I decided not to tell the other girls.

I went to his funeral which just made me lose all the hope I had of all of this just being a big nightmare. Talking about nightmares I had barely slept the last week from everything going on in my head and I could feel a few of the girls catching onto it.

It was Thursday afternoon, we were on the field playing 5 a side matches. I was sitting down since it was my turn to rest, my mind thinking about everything but the training session.

I got up as I felt my breathing getting faster and left the pitch without telling anybody heading into the changing room. I could hear a few girls calling my name before whispering to each other.

I sat in my locker rocking back and forward trying to control the panic attack I could feel coming. Before I could do anything I heard the door open and with that the whole team came in.

Viv was the first to come in but stopped as she saw me shaking not knowing how to react. Many other girls also paused when they saw me.

Jordan moved around them to see me, when she realized what was happening she rushed in and sat beside me. She took my arm and brought it up to her heart. "Lee breath in and out with me." She said while she exaggerated her breathing.

After a few minutes my breathing went back to normal, but it didn't help that the whole team was still staring.

"Hey are you okay?" Lisa asks when she sees I'm okay.

"Yeah I'm fine, sorry about that." I say before I'm cut off.

"Don't say sorry,you had a panic attack, you didn't eat the last square of chocolate." Raven said, making all of us giggle a bit.

"You know you can talk to us about whatever's going on right?" Dan said as she sat on the other side of me.

"I know, look uhm... my best friend michael... uhm... he shot himself last week." I paused looking up at the girls who all looked down at me. "We grew up together since we were 7, and from one day to the other he's not here anymore."

Jordan put her arm around me, making me put my head on her shoulder before moving my head into her neck a bit, as a few tears came out.

"I'm sorry Lee." a few of the girls said.

"Just know you're not alone in this." Raven said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "My best friend also committed a while back." Raven said.

Still not wanting to look up I kept my head against Jordan's neck. I don't know why but I felt safe there, just like anything could happen that as long as i'm here I'll be fine.

(Jordan's pov)

Lisa and Viv decided to take Leah with them to make her some hot chocolate and talk to her about all that she's been feeling while I stayed back and rested.

I walked back into the lounge room and a few of the girls were sitting down talking.

"... Yeah she killed herself before I left for the States, some days I still think back to it and wish she would have left me a note you know." Raven said.

"I'm sorry for not telling you guys about it, she had asked me not to so I wanted to respect that." I said.

"Don't worry about it, we just didn't want her to go through that alone." Dan said. "Are you okay?" She asked me after she realized I wasn't talking much.

"Yeah, this just brings back memories." I said.

"What do you mean?" Kim asks me.

"I never told you guys but my nan killed herself too, right before I signed, well when I was in the middle of signing. You see my grandad got diagnosed with cancer and in about 3 weeks he was gone. One day when I came back from London to visit, my dad told me that my nan shot herself." I paused looking at everybody's faces. "I've never spoken about it till last week, when Leah found out about Michael, I just kept it to myself for about 6 or 7 years." I tell them.

"Why?" Kim asks me.

"I don't know... I was new to the team and didn't know anyone, and as time went on I just kept pushing the thought of what happened back further, not wanting to even process it. It was my dream to be a footballer, but it was also my grandparents dream so I just pushed it aside and pushed through it for them."

"I'm sorry Jordan. Look why don't we all head home, It's been a hard day for all of us and I don't want to see you all here right now. Go and call an old friend or say hi to your family before it's too late." Kim said as she got up

As soon as I got home I knocked on Leah's bedroom door before opening it to find her laying on the bed. I closed the door behind me and jumped into the bed with her.

"Come here." I told her, putting my arms around her. We cuddled in bed for a bit, comforting each other just with our presence while the tv played a song.

I'll keep you safe in these arms of mine
Hold on to me pretty baby and you'll see
'll keep you safe in these arms of mine
Hold on to me pretty baby and you'll see

Suddenly I wake up in an unfamiliar place, I look around to realize I'm in Leah's room. Leah was still holding onto me, my t-shirt in a fist around my waist. We must have fallen asleep like that the night before I thought to myself.

I put my hand through her hair making her slowly wake up. She brushes her eyes with one of her hands before opening them properly.

She softens her grip on my t-shirt before pulling her hand away as she scooted back a bit, her cheeks getting red, making me smile ever so slightly.

"Good morning." I said before stretching my arms out.

"Good morning." She told me, letting out a yawn. "Thanks for caring about me so much Jords, I appreciate it." She said making me smile even more.

"No problem Lee." I said getting out of the bed.

"Hey just one question." She stops me before I leave the bedroom. "Why do you care so much about me?" She asks.

"I don't know, I just do." I said closing the door behind me.