❥ tordtom oneshots《

certified crybaby

monkey sounds

ive been extremely depressed recently, and i dont really,, know how to pinpoint why? i would say loneliness, but thats everyone, im not special. ive been having problems sleeping, more than usual, and "thoughts" have been clouding my mind again. its been a few months..? or so, without all this stupid bullshit, but ive got nobody to talk to most of my days, and my moms already tired of my rambling. its like im talking to a brick wall when im texting a gc full of my best friends. im kinda just falling back into the state i have healthily avoided for quite some time.

so ig this is a vent. ill get back to writing fluff or smut i just

i just need to actually let something out with the feeling that people will listen. feel free to skip <3

song mentioned is "crybaby" by melanie martinez

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- toms pov -

The sun is out. The flowers are as beautiful as ever, blossoming vibrant, gorgeous colours. Animals like birds and squirrels are buzzing with energy.

And I'm crying.

I'm. Fucking. Crying.

Why?

Why the fuck can't my stupid little brain trick my feelings into shutting the fuck up? Why can't I be happy? God, I'm like a rainy cloud on this beautiful day. Absolute bunch of bullshit. He's gone. The one person I swore I'd never want to see again; and now I'm craving his presence. I enjoyed the way his stupid, shit-eating smile was dumb enough to make me smile too. The way his hair flowed in the wind and didn't end up a mess. The way he smelt, like pine trees, cologne, and cigarettes.

Tord.

What the fuck have you done to me, Commie? I don't understand. Why did he leave me here? Not to mention, why is my brain shutting out Edd and Matt..? Optic nerve blocking? Tch, yeah, ONB my ass.

They don't even respond to me honestly half of the time. I ramble and then guess what? They start a new fucking conversation. They just... move on from me. Am I that easy to be replaced? Left behind? Forgotten?

"Fuck!"

I grabbed my pillow and tossed it across the room as hard as I can, watching it plumet against the wall before dropping to the floor beside my closet. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"

Am I insane? Maybe a bit. Un poco loco, ha.

Before I knew it, the tears I finally stopped had, you guessed it, started up again. I just sat there, letting my ribcage rack with sobs. I even screamed into my hands. I wish I could tear my heart out of my body and throw it away. I'm such a certified crybaby.

[+]

They call me crybaby, crybaby.

But I don't fucking care.

Crybaby, crybaby.

I laugh through my tears.

Crybaby, crybaby.

I don't fucking care.

Tears fall to the ground, I'll just let them drown.

[+]

Stupid, stupid, stupid me. Am I just an attention whore? I always wish people could forget me, but at the same time, I want them to look at me. Fucking look at me, and spoon feed me attention.

Is that selfish? Is it?

"Tom! You okay? I heard yelling."

Matt. Why is he asking if I'm okay? He doesn't give a damn. Edd probably sent him to make sure I wasn't dead or something.

"I'm fine! I-I just tripped!" Ugh, the voice crack. Of course.

I listened to Matt hesitate before calling back, "you sure?"

God.

Why.

Is.

He.

Nitpicking.

"I am fine, Matt, go back to Edd, please, and tell him I'm okay."

Liar liar, pants on fire! Liar!

Shut up, inner demons.

Speaking of which; is it normal to be tormented by voices? Like, lots of voices. Probably not. Eh, oh well. I named one of the voices William, so if that's not "conquring" my demons, I don't know what is.

Adaptability is survivability.

Turning back to my window, I moved the dark blue, satin blinds, gazing outside. The light was almost blinding. The flowers were growing so nicely. The sky was a pretty, cloud-filled sky blue. I can just about smell the fresh air.

How sickening.

I dropped my grip on the curtains, watching the darkness envelope my vacancy yet again. Then... I cried again! What is up with my right brain today?

My pale hands reached to my lap, cupped together as I watched the clear droplets pitter-patter into my palms.

Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop. Drip. Drip.. Drip...

Mezmorizing.

Pitiful.

Stupid, stupid me. Stupid crybaby. A grown man crying like a toddler.

Crying. Crying for no reason. Crying about something that is my fault.

Certified..

Certified crybaby.

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depression dance, do do do doo doo, depression dance, do do do doo doo ~

if you got this far hey congratulations i cry for no reason because i tend to think about things that hurt me. thats what i meant in the start when i said i couldnt sleep like.. at all. my brain likes to torture itself, basically.

it replays things that have caused me great pain, and its my fault, because i let myself suffer.

its a problem.