❥ tordtom oneshots《

afraid to jump

eeeeee another vent yay you could never have too many vents.

genre; angst/venting

this is basically how I'm stressing out in life right now. I'm worried that the person I'm with maybe is loosing interest in me. the cuts are true though.. but anyways!!

word count; 522 (really short, sorry)

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•tom's pov•

They don't care about you.

When did they say they cared?

Tord doesn't love you.

He loves somebody better than you.

I crumpled down to the ground, panting as my vision started to darken. It blured from the tears pouring down, eyes darting around my room. This place is usually my comfort zone, but now, it's an unfamiliar cage. I can't go out, my sleeves are bloody. They can't know, even if they would want to know.

Letting out a choked sob, I shook, letting out a loud cry.

I sobbed and wheezed, curling into a ball. My ribs ached as the skin clinged, the muscles tensing. I was suffocating myself, yet it's what I craved. Death. I shakily grabbed my pillow, screaming into it. My lungs strived for air, throat gurgling in thick saliva. This isn't worth it, my life isn't worth the fake love I'm getting. I wanted to run and leave, but I also wanted his lean arms around me, rocking me and whispering sweet nothings in a mother's tongue.

There was a knock on my door, stopping my break down.

"Snuppa? Are you in there?"

My heart dropped, yet my heart jumped. It was scared and in love.

I heard clinging of metal; keys. I gave him extra keys to my room. My safe zone. My problematic hell.

There was a clack of the door, clicking open. He peeked inside, running to my side. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he started to pull me close. I pushed the pillow streaked with my mascara against his chest, weakly trying to get him away. He didn't let go, but did I really want him too?

I started to scream and thrash, blood dripping from my wrist.

"What the fuck?"

He furrowed his brows, grabbing my wrists harshly. When he lifted my sleeve, he was caught off guard. When his grip loosened, I leaped to my feet, jogging to the door. He pulled me close, hugging me. I screamed, pushing him away and wiping my tears with a free arm.

He reached out for me, but I ran down the stairs. Edd and Matt called after me, confused as Tord chased me. I ran into the road. I wanted to die. Blinding headlights caught my eyes.

I never felt the hard impact.

Only the cold, hard, concrete floor. Also weight over me, and tense arms around me, sheltering me from death.

The death I needed. Wanted. Deserved.

I stared up at Tord, cuts burning and oozing blood.

He cried, shaking and pulling me close. I sobed, holding onto him.

...

I shot up, eyes wide and stained with tears.

I was in bed, Tord snoring beside me...

It was a nightmare. It felt all too real though.... But his love doesn't. And my love is. At least, I don't know if his is real.. I think he's loosing intrest in me.

I really don't want to be hurt, but I love him so much. He deserves better. I deserve better.

I don't want him, but my heart does.

If only I wasn't so afraid to jump. To take the leap. To escape the misery that is love. To run away from the thing I savor.

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yay, my depression dance. ignore the things about cuts, not that any of you care eeeeee qwq

as for the usual question, just, how are you? if you're sad, tell me so I can comfort you (because I can't comfort myself)! if you're mad or happy, tell me in the comments! i'd love to know how my lovely worker bees are doing! fair warning, please don't be obnoxious or annoyingly pity seeking. I love you all so much, but please, if you have something dramatic to say, you can tell me through messages! sorry to be rude or anger you all, most of you guys know I would never want to offend you, just don't try to go full out sarcastic or snarky. thanks. i'm not feeling the best (not that its all about me) and as much as I don't care about myself as much as I do others, I don't want to be pestered for not showing as much sympathy as you desire. love you guys though!

anyways, ima go to my crying corner, love you all, honey is out...