𝖣𝖾𝗍𝗋𝗂𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝖺𝗅 𝖢𝗈𝗅𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗂𝗈𝗇 [on hold]

31 | happy birthday

XXXI / thirty-one

✧𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐄𝐂𝐂𝐀✧

"Now, this is good!" I say to myself through the mirror. Watching me with different clothes, different makeup, different hair makes me feel less guilty about everything.

My hair now is straight, a style I always hated on myself, but at the moment I love it. My eyes are shadowed black and my clothes a dark shade of red. To be precise, a tight red dress accompanied by fishnet tights. I take another look into the mirror, this time I run my fingers through my flat hair and the fabric of this piece of clothing I so hate. It all is new to me, everything I feel has changed.

It's as though the person that caused all this is gone and has been replaced by a totally different one. And not only I changed my appearance, but I fully redecorated my room.

By fully decorated, I mean I scattered all my clothes, lamps, posters, and vanity and broke some of them. Now it resembles what I feel like inside: dispersed and broken.

But guess what? It's my birthday. Damn it, I was dying waiting for this day to come, and now that it is finally here all I want to do s disappear.  I guess I'm an adult now. Yay.

"Rebecca! Rebecca! Come see! It's huge!" Johnny shouts, barging into my room.

The moment he enters, his attention is caught by the mess in here. His eyes downturn and he wrinkles his eyebrows, forming a frown. All I do is force a smile because there is nothing more I can do in this situation.

"Wow!" he utters. Then he finally concentrates and looks up at me. "Daddy got you something. A huge something," he adds, and as he speaks he opens his arms with a wide mouth.

I smile at him and walk towards him to take his hand and we begin walking downstairs.

I think I might've broken his fingers because when I see a freaking white Chevrolet equinox parked in our driveway, I pretty much clutch my hands around his, and he yelps.

"Dad! Dad!" I call for him, with my hands covering my mouth.

"A new apartment too wouldn't be much would it?" says that one voice. Definitely not my dad's.

What is she doing here?

"Mommy!" Johnny jumps, and as I turn around to face her, he lets go of my hands to run to her.

Surprisingly, when I turn around she is waving a key to my face with a gigantic grin etched into her lips.

"Did you really have the audacity of coming here after all you've done?" I ask her, standing fixed in my place and looking right through her trying to decipher what the hell is going on inside her head. I already begin to build armor around me so that I'm not impacted by the words she is about to say. I don't want to cry anymore.

Not for her, not for anyone.

"I'm your mother and it's your birthday-" she trails with insecurity, shrugging.

"A mother doesn't leave her children out of the blue!" I scoff, then raise my voice.

"Rebecca!" my dad warns. "That's no way to talk to your mother!"

I'm not putting up with this. I'm not. After everything that's been happening in the last few days all I want is peace and they are not giving me it. Every time I get an opportunity to feel just a tad bit better, something has to come and ruin it for me.

"Dad! She can't just come here waving a key at my face with a smile as big as the freaking Atlantic and hope I'll give her hugs and kisses in return!" I utter, glance at both of them. "Do you have an idea of how much it hurt me when you left us? Without saying anything? Not even to Johnny, mom!" after saying that last part, my eyes instantly are trapped in hers.