apartment 17 || xxxtentacion

xix

jahseh's pov

i didn't get much sleep that night. i just stared at my ceiling, replaying my words over and over in my head. i was extremely angry, but i also felt really guilty for snapping at her. i knew she probably wouldn't remember a single thing that happened last night, but i still felt a pang in my chest when i thought about how much of an asshole i was to her. i let my temper get the best of me; i needed to work on that, especially if i wanted her to stick around me.

i was snapped out of my thoughts when i heard footsteps coming towards me from her bedroom. quiet humming filled my ears as i looked up in the direction of the noise. i immediately saw her stop dead in her tracks.  i saw her eyes widened and she looked down at me. she was holding the empty bottle of tequila in one hand and there was dried up blood around her nose.

"jahseh...how'd you get in here?" she asked cautiously, attempting to hide the bottle behind her quickly. i was right; she really didn't remember a single thing from last night. i sighed and wrapped my arms around her, embracing her. we stayed in that position for a minute or so.

"i'm guessing you don't remember last night?" i said, smirking at her slightly. "i already know about the drinking. you don't need to hide the bottle," i pointed put. i couldn't help but think it was cute how she held the bottle behind her back, even though i had already clearly seen it.

"last night...vaguely..." she said quietly as she revealed the bottle again. she took a few slow steps out of the hall before standing at the other side of the room like an awkward puppy.

"come over here. we need to talk." i said as i patted the seat next to me. she walked over to her recycling bun and placed the bottle down inside it. i saw her flinch as it made a clanging noise with the other bottles in the bin. she slowly walked over to me with her head in the direction of the floor.

"look at me, cynthia" i said calmly. i had to maintain a calm voice despite how many emotions were flying through my head. she looked up at me with those beautiful hazel eyes. such a beautiful mess.

i needed her.

"why? why coke? why the alcohol?" i asked. i was practically begging her to explain at this point; i needed to know why. instead of answering me she simply shrugged again and shifted her focus to her hands, which were sitting in her lap. i gently took my finger and used it to push her chin up so i could look at her face.

"please cynthia, talk to me." i said quietly. she looked at me with said eyes.

"i don't really know what you want to hear jahseh..." she said quietly. i could tell it was hard for her to maintain eye contact with me.

"i want to help you, baby" i replied

"this was my first time doing those cocaine, i swear. the alcohol is another story but i swear to you, i only did like 3 lines." she said quickly.

"why though?" i asked quietly as i gently rubbed her cheek.

"i don't really know, i've just always turned to alcohol when i feel alone," she said, shrugging.

"you don't have to be alone, i'm here." i replied. she smiled a little bit and leaned forward, embracing me in a hug. i wrapped my arms around her and placed my chin on her shoulder

"come on, lets clean the blood off your face." i gently pulled on her hand. she nodded following me to her bathroom. i grabbed a washcloth hanging by her sink and soaked it with warm water. i gently wiped away the blood around her nose. she looked exhausted i grabbed her hand and wiped off the blood that had dripped from her nose. she sighed when i leg go of her hand to clean the washcloth.

"jahseh, you could have so many girls, why me? i'm practically an alcoholic," she laughed slightly at the end but i could tell she was using her laughter to suffice how insecure she felt.

"i don't want those other girls. i want you. i want the cynthia that yelled at me because of my music. i want the cynthia that thought i was going to murder her in an abandoned grocery store. i want the cynthia that sticks around me, despite my problems. i don't need another woman. i need you."

she smiled wide at my little speech and i saw her face go red a little. adorable. before i could stop myself, i placed my lips on hers, gently kissing her. she smiled as we kissed. even more adorable. i pulled away and grabbed her hands.

"cynthia, will you be mine?"

she gasped slightly before saying, "of course jahseh". i leaned in for a much more passionate kiss this time.

finally.