apartment 17 || xxxtentacion

xlvi

jahseh's pov

it absolutely broke me to see cynthia curled up in the bathroom sobbing her eyes out. it really put into perspective how terrible this situation was. oh how i would give anything to beat the fuck out of gustav or whatever the hell his name is...

after finding her on the floor in the bathroom, everything seemed different it was almost as if something switched on in her brain and she had fully comprehended every shitty thing that had happened between her and gustav the last few months. her personality had changed so much within a few hours; she was no longer the girl who complimented me on my cooking and actually cared to joke around and laugh with me. she simply remained silent most of the time and sulked around. she didn't seem to want to eat much or go outside much either. she seemed so destroyed and absolutely shattered me.

ski and wifi seemed concerned for her as well. although she had unintentionally avoided verbal contact with them, they knew she was having a rough time dealing with everything. i had told them what happened just so they would understand why she was so distant and they both expressed how sorry they were for her. a few times they tried to get me to get her to come out and talk to them but she declined. she'd grown dependent on me, so i guess she wasn't comfortable being around multiple people at once. plus, i understood she needed to be eased back into normal life. this was all understandable for me.

i had become somewhat secluded off from everyone else. i had put so much time and effort into making sure cynthia was safe that i completely forgot about myself and my own needs. she was above all at this point, even though i really held no romantic ties to her. i didn't need any ties. i just needed to help.

the gang often urged me to come out with them to random clubs or parties but i always argued that cynthia needed me, even though she insisted that i go and have fun once and a while. she said that she shouldn't be the one holding me back, when in reality it was me. i was doing this all to myself.

despite how much i had resented leaving cynthia's side, coolie and ski managed to convince me to go out with them to  a party. i asked for cynthia's permission and she was comfortable being alone for a few hours, of course, and she told me she didn't mind. she claimed she needed some alone time herself anyways and that she needed to learn how to cope by herself; she couldn't depend on me for everything. i understood that, and took this as my opportunity to let go a little bit with the others.

i spent most of the day with cynthia until the gang decided that they were ready to go out. after a short drive, we all stepped out of the uber they had called to drive us to the party.

"don't look so happy jah." coolie said, appearing beside me as we weaved through traffic.

"i'd much rather be home to be honest." i said, shrugging.

"come on, bruh. you need to just chill for a bit. drink a little, dance a little. she needs her soave too." he said to me as we walked through the door to the party.

any other time i would have been ecstatic to contaminate my liver with alcohol, but tonight was different. my anxiety felt like it was peaking and i was overall kinda pissed odd. something did not feel right.

we eventually made it to the kitchen after pushing through dozens upon dozens of people. we all poured ourselves a shot then they went to dance. i watched people dance on the floor, kinda zoned out for a but to the point where i didn't even realize ski had been calling my name.

"earth to x?" ski asked, waving in front of my face.

"what?" i asked in response, snapping out of my daze.

"you good fool?" he asked me, a concerned look on his face. he always seemed to have a t attitude towards me lately.

"yeah, i'm straight. what you want?"i asked slightly annoyed.