apartment 17 || xxxtentacion

xliii

trigger warning **

cynthia's pov

i quietly opened up the door to gustav's apartment, peeking around the door to see of he was home. i didn't see him in the living room so i took this as my opportunity to get some alone time. i did adore spending the morning with jahseh though, don't get me wrong. it was just like how it used to be except this time we weren't involved romantically.

he did take me by surprise when he called me "love" this morning. i definitely wasn't expecting him to let me back in that easily, especially after the heroin incident. maybe it was an accident. the name just slipped off his tongue like it used to before he could even realize what he had done. i had been dying to hear that name again though so i can't really complain.

the apartment smelled faintly of weed and cigarette smoke. small pills lay in baggies on the coffee table, out in the open for anyone to see and take. we'd be screwed if we ever got caught or busted. definite jail time. i don't think i could manage in jail.

these past few months i had completely neglected everyone i used to care about. i hadn't spoken to april in so long. i didn't even know if she remembered me. i aways wanted to shoot her a quick text but i couldn't bring myself to do it. she'd be disappointed in how much i've changed. plus, being around her would only brung back unwanted memories of the boys.

not only had i neglected people i loved, i was also neglecting myself. i cant remember the last time i say down and had a full meal. my body basically ran off of weed and various assortments of alcohol. gustav told me he wasn't the type for restaurants despite how many times i begged him to just give in and go out with me. part of me wondered if he didn't want to be seen with me. half the time there was a bruise covering some part of my body so i could understand why.

im not exactly sure when everything went downhill with him. he slowly became busier and busier with drug deals and some nights he wouldn't even come home, leaving me laying in bed alone with only the comfort of red wine to keep my company. i missed the nights when jahseh would come home from the studio, exhausted yet happy to see me, and he would lay next to me, the smell of his cologne filling the air around me. it was intoxicating. he was intoxicating. his presence was like a drug and so simply couldn't get enough.

i mentally beat myself up everyday for fucking up as bad as i did. i couldn't even keep a simple promise. he placed his trust in me and i broke it repeatedly. i really didn't deserve him despite how much i wish i did.

i was snapped out of my thoughts when i heard the door creak open. gustav walked in, his hair a complete mess and his leather jacket sling over his shoulder. he gave me a look when he saw me sitting on his sofa. id be lying if i said i wasnt scared to death.

"well well look who decided to come back." he sneered as he walked slowly towards me. i remained silent. my heart pounding in my chest.

"did you go find your lover boy? hmmmm?" he smirked at me as he sat down next to me. i shifted away from him slightly and he noticed, chuckling a little.

"cat got your tongue, baby?" he asked mockingly. i felt his hand grab onto my bare thigh. i could already tell where this was going.

"gustav, please leave me alone." i told him uncomfortably as i tried to move away from his touch.

"are you too tired from fucking with him?" he asked as he leaned into my ear. his breath reeled of alcohol, like usual.

"please get off of me." i said frantically.

before i knew it, he was on top of me. he gripped my hands above my head, pinning me down against the sofa. i could already feel a bruise forming around my wrists. everything was happening so fast, my mind couldn't keep up.

"did he make you feel good?" he spat at me.

"get the fuck off of me bitch!" i yelled. he grabbed my face roughly with his free hand, forcing me to look into his eyes.

"listen baby, i didnt want to do this but tou leave me no choice." he said sternly before reaching in his pickeg and pulling out a fresh neddle full of the substance i knew far too well. with all the strength i had left i pushed him off of me and ran out of the apartment complex.

nothing couldndescribe the emotions j was experiencing right in that moment. i could feel my adrenaline kicking in and all i could think about was getting to

jahseh.