apartment 17 || xxxtentacion

xliv

jahseh's pov

there was a part of me that was half expecting cynthia to never attempt to get in touch wirh me after that morning. we really didnt have any ties to eah other, other than the fact that i, or rather wifi, let her back in because of her abusive relationship. so when i felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and saw that it was a message from cynthia, i was baffled beyond belief.

cynthia
i need help

what happed??
are you okay???

cynthia
idk, please just come get me i'm at the gas station on 3rd

i didn't need any other form of invitation to get her away from him. i instantly ran to my car and began my journey to her. when i pulled up, she sat on the curb, smoking a cigarette and taping her foot up and down rapidly. she spotted my black car and stood up, dropping her cigarette on the ground and stomping it out with her black boot. she opened the door and slipped in. she looked like a nervous wreck.

"is everything okay?" i asked cautiously.

"please...just drive me away from here." she said, her voice cracking slightly. i didn't hesitate to pull into traffic.

the bruise in her face seemed slightly better; the colors were beginning to fade into lighter shades of purples and blues. she was beginning to look like the girl i used to know, yet something was still different. dark bags lined her under eyes and her eyes looked bloodshot. the once peaceful aura that used to follow her had turned into one full of anxiety and sadness. like a dark rain cloud that followed her wherever she went.

"do you want to talk about it?" i asked, looking over at her slightly

"i'm not sure how to talk about it..." she mumbled, looking over at me with sad eyes.

"he didn't hurt you again, did he?" i asked, noticing she had her sleeves pulled tightly over her hands like she was hiding something.

"jahseh...he tried to rape me..." she said quietly.

"i'm gonna fucking kill him." i said sternly as i sped faster down the highway. i was pissed. how could someone do that to anyone?

"no, you're not going to do anything, jah. i just want to forget about this." she said suddenly.

"are you sure you don't wanna do anything?we should at least report it to the police. he deserves to go to jail." i replied.

"no we're not going to do anything. id just rather forget about the whole thing. if i report it, i'm just going to be continuously reminded of it and i don't need that. i wont ever get better."

i understood where she was coming from. sexual relating cases could last for months, up to years. she'd be in and out of court, testifying against the man who had mentally and emotionally traumatized her. she'd have to stand there as he lied about the whole thing straight to her face. i can only imagine how traumatizing and horrific that must be, especially for someone who had to deal with it first hand.

"you have my full support. ill support whatever choice you make." i said kindly.

"thank you jahseh, i really appreciate it. i don't know how i lasted six months without you."

"i don't know how i lasted that long without you either. i shouldn't have let you go. maybe then this wouldn't have happened." i told her truthfully.

"this isn't your fault jahseh, please don't beat yourself up over this." she told me.

i stopped the car after parking. i sighed lightly, placing my hands on my lap.

"i just feel like i could've prevented this. i should have known better than to let you go back to that apartment. it wasn't safe. i had one job to make sure you were safe and i failed. i'm so sorry cynthia."

"jahseh please. it's not your fault. stop it." she said, sighing quietly. i simply shook my head and stepped out or the car into the brisk air. the sky was cloudy; the sun was barely visible as the wind blew through the loose dreads coming out of my ponytail. cynthia stepped out of the passenger side after me and stood on the sidewalk. she looked up at the building in front of her; it was the abandoned store i had brought her to on our first "date", if you really wanted to consider it a date. i hoped it would get her mind off of what just happened just like it helped me countless times before.

"why are we here?" she asked, looking up at me with wide eyes.

"i thought maybe it would help you get your mind off of things. i know i always ind myself driving here when i'm not doing too well, so i was hoping it could help you too. plus, we shared some pretty good memories on that rood." i smiled at her pointing up at the top of the building before grabbing her hand and leading her inside up the stairs.

we made it to the metal door blocking us from the rood in a matter of minutes. i breathed heavily as i swung open the door. god damn cigarettes. cynthia walked over to the edge of the building and sat down, her legs dangling over the edge. there was something beautiful about that action. she acted as if she had nothing left to live for, which was understandable. if my significant other was abusing me nonstop, i'd feel pretty worthless too.

maybe i could make her realize her worth again.

she was such a beautiful soul. it shatter me knowing that she was so broken on the inside; too broken to realize how much she meant to me and the people around her.

i walked over to her and sat down, my legs dangling off the side like hers. she looked up at me and smiled, a sort of sad like smile. i knew she was only putting on a smile to me happy and give me a false hope that she was okay.

i knew she wasn't okay one bit, despite her attempts to prove to me that she was okay. i could see it in the way she carried herself. what once used to be a woman filled with so much pride for her art and her life was now a broken silhouette of that. her aspirations and dreams had been thrown away by a man that was only into her for the materialistic things. he simply wanted someone that would stay with him for the sec and she somehow managed to be the girl for him. i felt bad for her. she didn't deserve that type of bullshit.

"what are you thinking about?" i asked her, looking over at her as she stared at the skyline.

"i'm not really sure. i haven't been thinking about much lately." she replied. her tone seemed so emotionless.

"i want you to get better, i hate seeing you like this." i told her. although she resembles her old self, she had changed so much. her cheeks seemed to have sunken in more and her eyes looked so dark. i missed the glimmer she used to have in her eyes.

"i want to get better too."