apartment 17 || xxxtentacion

xlv

cynthia's pov

I could feel his hands all over my body, roughly pulling at my clothing in an attempt to rid them from my body. his actions were so rough as he left dark bruises on my wrists. his breath was hot against my neck.

it was almost like it was really happening again,

I woke up in a hot sweat, breathing heavily. jahseh perked his head from the floor to check one. from the minimal amount of light coming through the window from the streetlights outside, I could tell that his eyes were wide with worry.

after taking me to the abandoned store he had first taken me to when we had met, jahseh refused to let me go anywhere other than back to his loft. I didn't even try to argue with him; I was the safest here and I knew that. we immediately went to bed and he was kind enough to sleep on the floor and give me my space. I had expressed that I wasn't exactly comfortable sleeping in a bed with someone after "the incident" and especially since I had inly now reunited with jahseh after six months. he understood completely; he told me he would just grab some pillows and a blanket to make a small pallet on the floor. a part of me felt guilty but he showed no resentment towards sleeping on the floor as long as I was comfortable.

"are you okay?" he asked in a whisper.

"yeah...just another nightmare..." I mumbled, sitting up slightly. every time I shut my eyes, my brain seemed to be flooded with memories of gustav.

"do you need anything?" he moved his position on the floor and sat on the edge of the bed, looking at me in the dark.

"Im okay, just a little shaken."

"oh...okay. dont hesitate to yell out my name if you have to. I'll get anything you need." he said gently before laying back down the floor.

"thank you jahseh."

"no problem cynthia."

I laid my head back down on jahseh's pillow but my mind wouldn't shut up. I couldn't get the feeling of his fingertips along my skin off my mind. it got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore.

"jahseh...are you still awake?" I asked quietly.

he hummed slightly in response, signaling that I had his attention.

"how long do you think its going to take me to get over this?" I asked him.

"cynthia...I really dont know. all I know is I'll stay with you for as long as you need to help recover form this." he said.

that was probably the sweetest gesture ive ever received from someone. jahseh, who wasn't even my boyfriend or romantically tied to me anymore, had just offered to give up any time that I needed so that I could get better. that was perhaps the sweetest and most assuring thing anyone could have done in this moment.

I really can't thank you enough jahseh." I said quietly.

"no need to thank me, I can only imagine how horrible utmost be to deal with something like this. im simply here to help." he said sadly from the floor.

"I'll let you sleep now." I told him as I laid down again.

"try to get some sleep, cynthia." he said softly before the room was filled with silence once again.

it took a lot out of me but I was eventually able to rid my mind of his touch and let sleep overcome my body.

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I woke up to the faint smell of pancakes and jasmine tea floating around the room. I opened my eyes to see jahseh walking in the room, a pair of gray sweatpants hanging low on his waist and his hair up in a ponytail. he heels two plates of food in his hands, one I was assuming was for me and the other for him. he smiled at me when he realized I was awake.