apartment 17 || xxxtentacion

xlii

jahseh's pov

cynthia ended up sleeping out on the sofa that night. despite how bad i wanted to brung her up to my room again and lay with her, i knew i couldn't do it. she was in a fragile state as it was and i didn't want to let her back in that fast.  sure i still loved her, but she did cause me a lot of pain.

when i woke up she was still here, sleeping on the sora quietly. i think past night took a lot out of her emotionally and mentally. i couldn't blame her.

i tried to silently walk down the steps to the kitchen in hopes of not waling her up. she didn't budge: mission success. i quietly grabbed a ceramic mug i knew she used to use al the time and waited for my keurig to boil water. i filled the mug up with the steaming liquid and popped in a bag of jasmine tea and some honey. in hopes she still loved this drink in the morning as much as she used to.

i remember waking up in the morning to find her sitting downstairs, her hair in a bun and her bare legs curled underneath her as she sipped on her tea and sketched out ideas for her future paintings. those were the kind of mornings i adored more than anything else.

i walked over to where she was laying and i lightly placed down the mug on the coffee table in front of her. her wyes fluttered open slightly at the sound of the mug being placed against the glass on the coffee table. she looked at me confused as i stood by her before she noticed the steaming mug in front of her. her face instantly lit up as she sat up and grabbed the mug. taking a generous sip.

"you remembered..." she mumbled, giving me a slight smile. i sat down next to her.

"of course i did." i replied, smiling back.

she continued sipping the jasmine tea as i watched her. i couldn't stop staring at the bruise on her cheek. the bruise covered her cheek in a mirage of purples and pinks with hints of blue, like a watercolor painting on a tan canvas. she had a small remainder of eye makeup smeared underneath her eyes from her tears.

"how've you been?"i asked her. she took one last sip of her tea before removing it from her lips.

"if i'm being completely honest with you, i've been absolute shit." she said bluntly, laughing slightly at the end of her statement.

"i feel you." i laughed, craning my neck back against the sofa, my gaze in the direction of the ceiling.

"i see you still abusing those jeans." she commented in reference to my black ripped jeans i wore day after day.

"i see you're still as snarky as ever." i replied.

"touché." she laughed. ugh, that laugh. i missed that too. fuck, i missed everything about her.

"have you been sober?" i asked, changing the light mood to a more serious one. she shifted uncomfortably on the sofa.

"not exactly. it's kinda hard not to want to drown out your emotions when your boyfriend is an abusive asshole." she answered, averting her gaze to her hands.

"why do you stay with him?" i asked gently, placing my palm on her knee carefully. she flinched slightly, causing me to pull my hand away quickly. i didn't mean to scare her. maybe i should slow down.

"i have no clue jahseh. i'm fucking miserable, but i can't seem to leave him. there's a part of me that still believes he'll change and to back to the way he used to be." she said. it killed me to hear her go on and on about him. i knew she needed to get it off her shoulders though, and i would stay there and listen to her every word. she needed my support, especially now that she was so vulnerable.

"i know it's been six months, but if you're ever scared for your safety, don't hesitate to come here. hell, even if you need me to come to you, i will. i still care about you a lot cynthia. i don't want to see you get hurt." i told her.

"thank you, i really appreciate it." she said with a slight smile.

"anytime, love"

fuck.

her expression slightly dropped when she heard the name i used to call her fall from my lips. she sighed softly.

"i should probably get going..." she mumbled before standing up and adjusting her skirt.

"here, i'll give you a ride." i said as i quickly stood up and grabbed my car keys off the coffee  table.

she followed me as i headed out the door to the black car that sat in the driveway. she slipped into the passenger side as i got into the driver's seat and started the car. she stared out the window.

"where do you live?" i asked.

"in the old apartment complex." she replied, not removing her gaze from the window.

"is he going to be there?" i asked her.

"i hope not." she answered.

"please be safe." i told her.

"i will. don't worry about me jahseh.".

"don't worry about you? i kinda have to worry about you. you came to my house with a bruise covering your face, i kinda feel responsible now." i said, laughing slightly.

"i know i know, you get the point. don't worry too much, i'll be okay. i'll call you if anything happiness." she replied with a slight smile.

before i knew it i had pulled up in front of the apartment complex we used to share. i missed this; the pure innocence of being merely neighbors by chance. without this apartment complex, i wouldn't be in this situation right now. i would have never gotten the chance to love, let alone know the beautiful woman sitting in the passenger seat. but now she belonged to someone else. she wasn't mine anymore. i let her go.

i let her go again as she stepped out of my car after a simple "goodbye" and "thank you". i watched as she walked through the doors and out of my view. i just let her go off, possibly to that man who bruised her beautiful face. i couldn't believe myself. i shouldn't have drover her here. i should have stayed with her at my loft and held her and assured he that he would never lay his hands on her again.

i pulled away from that complex feeling emptier than i did when i pulled up.