apartment 17 || xxxtentacion

xxxiv

jahseh's pov

i woke up to the sound of my alarm clock going off on the beside table next to me. groaning, i sat io and stretched my arms out. cynthia was beginning to wake up from the alarm. she always looked beautiful when she woke up, despite how often she claimed she wasnt.

"good morning love." i said to her. she smiled. god that smile.

"good morning jah." she said quietly as she sat up to face me. i admired her face for a while. i felt like i had to take in every single feature; this was the last time i was really going to get to game in every aspect of her until i got back from tour.

"todays the day..." i said softly, grabbing her hand gently. she pouted a tiny bit and looked at me with sad eyes.

"i know..." she mumbled as she moved her hair over her shoulder. my heart ached. the air felt tense between us; we both knew what was coming but we didn't want to be the one to mention it. i cleared my throat slightly before shifting off of the bed.

"breakfast?"

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breakfast hadn't seemed to relieve any pre-existing tensions. we both spent most of our time staring at our plates, too scared to say anything. we were currently in our bedroom. cynthia was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching me as i sorted through clothing.

"what about this sweatshirt?" i asked, holding up a red sweatshirt. i knew she always loved it when i wore it.

"i like that one." she stated simply before turning her attention to the window. i couldn't take this anymore.

"cynthia, are you mad at me or something?" i asked, sitting down next to her. she sighed.

"everything is fine jahseh."

"i hope you aren't upset about last night..." although i was almost positive this tense mood was because of the tour, i still worried. maybe i should have waited. maybe i shouldn't have even drank at all last night, even if it was only a small amount.

"no no, it's not that jahseh...i just- please don't forget about me on tour..." she said quietly, avoiding eye contact with me.

"why would i forget about you?" i persisted.

"i don't know...i'll be back here in florida and you're gonna be traveling the country. there's so many other girls you could fall in love with."

"trust me baby. theres no one that could ever possibly compare to you. i could never forget about you." i assured her. i understood exactly why she was so insecure about tour; she definitely wasn't that oblivious to all the stories and rumors about previous tours. from all nighters fueled by drugs and alcohol to numerous one night stands with nameless women. i cant blame her for this.

she smiled a little at my response. i gently wrapped my arms around her and brought her close to my chest.

"i love you so much cynthia. don't forget that."

"i won't"

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cynthia's pov

i sat in the back of isaiah's truck as we headed to the airport. jahseh sat next to me, his hand resting on my thigh lightly. i could feel him tracing tiny shapes with his finger which helped ease my nerves a little bit. i felt bad for being insecure earlier; i knew i should feel excited for the boys. this was everything they had wanted. this was everything i had wanted for them.

"i can't wait to spend the next six hours on a plane." stokeley said sarcastically from the passenger seat causing april to laugh next to me.

"you'll be fine stokeley" she assured him.

"i hope." he replied, turning around to look at her. they both shared this undeniable chemistry. i couldn't help but wonder if april worried about stokeley the same way i was worrying about jahseh.

before i knew it we had arrived at the airport. we began filing out of the truck and tried to grab as many suitcases and bags as we could. i tried helping out jahseh the best i could but he insisted that he could handle himself. he's so stubborn.

they managed to get through security and the bag check rather fast, which left us waiting in the seating area much longer than we had planned. stokeley made frequent runs to small little store for snacks while the rest of us waited around in the seating area.

"i wish you could come with." jahseh said to me.

"yeah, me too." i pouted, pulling the hood of my, or rather jahseh's sweatshirt tighter around my head.

"i'm not gonna have as much fun without you there." he said, frowning slightly.

"boy please, you're gonna have a great time," i laughed, slapping his arm lightly.

"it would be better with you." he insisted.

"as much as i would like to, i have my career back here."

"i know. you cant blame me for trying." he laughed.

"now boarding for denver airport"

the voice came over the speakers. i looked at jahseh and i knew instantly in that the moment i had been dreading had just arrived. it was time for him to leave. i slowly stood up and adjusted my sweatshirt, already feeling the tears brimming at my eyes. i could feel every emotion i had been suppressing build up behind my eyes, begging to be set free. a small tear steamed down my cheek.

"baby, please don't cry." jahseh whispered to me as he gently rubbed up and down my arms. thats when i lost it.

"i'm gonna miss you so much." i felt like i couldn't stop the tears.

"i know baby, i'm going to miss you too." jahseh comforted me. his voice sounded weak. he brought me in close to him and embraced me.

"i want you to stay."

"we cant always get what we want, babe."

hearing him say that felt like a dagger straight to my heart. it stung. but he was right.

"i love you cynthia." he whispered in my ear as he held onto me.

"i love you more jahseh." my voice cracked. i could feel his grasp on me loosen and i wanted more than anything to grab a hold of him again and have him hold me forever. but i knew ghat plane would take off with or without him and he needed to make that flight.

"i'll see you soon, princess." jahseh said before placing a kiss on my lips. he pulled away and i placed my hands on the side of his face. a small tear formed and rolled down his cheek. i gently wiped it away, feeling my eyes water even more.

"see you soon." i said, letting go of him. he placed one final kiss on my lips before leaving me. it took everything i had in me to let him walk away. he looked back at me and waved goodbye before he got too far off in the distance.

and then, he was gone. off to another city without me. off for the next two months, leaving me feeling emotionally unprepared for whatever lay ahead.