apartment 17 || xxxtentacion

xlvii

cynthia's pov

i woke up to the sound of people talking loudly in the living room. this wasn't the only time i had been interrupted in my sleep though. throughout the night, i had been getting texts from gustav asking where i was and when i was coming back to him. i took this as my opportunity to block his number from my phone. although i would have to face him eventually to get my items from his apartment, i needed to make sure he had no way of contacting me. it was my way of indirectly cutting off all ties from him.

the voices downstairs were getting louder so i let my curiosity get the best of me. i slowly tiptoed out of jahseh's room and down the steps. there were the suspects: coolie and stokeley were rushing around jahseh as he sat on one of the stools around the kitchen. jahseh sat there, a gash in the side of his face. there was blood smeared on his face and his sleeve, presumably from him trying to wipe it away.

"what the fuck happened?" i asked loudly, causing all of them to look at me with shocked expressions.

"just go back to bed cynthia, don't worry about this." jahseh said quickly, trying to turn his face away from my view.

"i already saw jah. i'm not going back to bed while you sit down here and practically bleed to death out of your face." i stated sternly.

"really cynthia, we got this. just get some rest." coolie said.

"no, now let me see him." i snapped back before walking over to jahseh.

i gently held jahseh's face as he sat there, staring into my eyes. i ran my pointer finger over the small bruise that was forming on his cheek and he winced slightly. it was weird seeing him like this knowing that just a few days ago i was in his situation.

"jahseh, what did you do?" i asked him softly as played with the blood stained sleeves of his shirt.

"dont be mad." he said.

"i mean, im already kinda pissed that you came home looking like this." i told him. he laughed lightly before returning to his serious demeanor.

"well... i lowkey maybe highkey beat the fuck out of gustav." he told me. i removed my hands from his face suddenly

"wait...what?! jahseh!" i yelled. i looked over at coolie and stokeley. they simply shrugged at me.

"we're gonna go..." stokeley said awkwardly before pushing a slightly tipsy coolie up the steps and out of the room. im guessing they didnt wanna be around to witness this conversation.

"i told you not to get mad." he sighed, dropping his shoulders slightly.

"jah... this is so messed up." i said, rubbing my temples.

i was beyond conflicted at this point. i knew deep down gustav deserved to be beaten to a pulp after everything that he had done to me, and in the process he ended up fucking his own face too. but then again, morally, this was wrong. so wrong. there were so many safer ways he could have dealt with this. hell, i didn't even want him to do anything about it. i really wanted to forget about everything that had happened and now having to wake up and see these marks all over jahseh's face i would just be reminded of the pain gustav had engrained in my life.

" im sorry cynthia, but i couldn't just sit there in that club and watch as that bitch laughed and enjoyed his life. he deserves to be as fucked up as he fucked up your life. you have to understand where im coming from." he pleased with me. his eyes looked so sad. he really did mean well.

" i know, i know. i understand where you're coming from, but i really just wanted to let this all go. who knows what the he's going to do with me or you? he never let's this shit go that easily." i told him.

" listen, we could sit here and argue over this or you could help me clean up my bloody face." he laughed.

" oh right, sorry." i laughed, allowing him to change the subject so suddenly.

he sat there patiently as i gently wiped away the dried up blood that had accumulated on his cheek. he stated up at me as i cleaned him up which gave me a strange feeling in my stomach.

i shouldn't be feeling this way about him again.

we were over.

everything he had done over the past few days was because he pitied my situation...right?

pushing my thoughts to the back of my head, i analyzed the cut on his face. it wasnt deep enough to need stitches but it definitely wasnt any paper cut.

"thanks cynthia, youre a life saver." he laughed as he stood up from his seat.

"it's no problem. wouldnt want you to bleed out on the floor would we?" i replied, giggling slightly. we both stood there awkwardly for what felt like minutes.

"can i hug you?" he asked quietly. it was weird seeing him in any other form other than cocky and confident. he seemed so unsure of his actions. so vulnerable. this took me by complete surprise.

"um...sure." i said, opening up my arms. he slowly wrapped his arms around my waist and brought me in close to him, the smell of his cologne and nicotine filled my nose. his embrace was all i needed in that moment. the void that i once tried to fill with drugs and booze now felt complete, even though i knew it would return to its emptiness once we separated. i felt the urge to hold onto every last moment i had standing here in his arm.

his breathing was slow, yet i could feel his heart beating fast in his chest.

he was as nervous as me.

he felt the same way.

after what felt like hours, he let go of me and grinned in that moment, i knew that my feelings towards him were being reciprocated.

everything would be okay eventually, i just knew it.