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   I suck in a long breath of relief as I step out of my English building for the last time. It's finally summer break. I worked my ass off the last three weeks or so and focused on school and school only. I obviously spent time with Tiff and Zayn around work, sometimes even Niall, but I kind of closed myself off for a while and I've even gone to a couple therapy sessions like Zayn had mentioned awhile back.

The first session I went to, I couldn't help but feel the way Harry does. It was awkward trying to explain my situation, but also wanting to keep everything inside because I wasn't sure I wanted her to know everything about me. I didn't want to tell her that I feel unloveable, because to literally anyone, that sounds insane. I also didn't want to tell her about Harry because it's really not my business to tell. The constant worrying about him had finally caught up with me at and it was getting too much, I had to tell someone about it.

Talking with Tiff about everything has been sort of awkward in a way. She's friends with both Harry and I, but she was friends with him first. So for me to talk about him to her, it seems kind of wrong. It's not like I would talk shit on Harry, but I needed to tell somebody about how his actions were affecting me more than I ever thought that they would.

I guess when I found out Harry was an addict, I didn't quite understand. I didn't realize how much it would actually end up affecting me and basically everything I do.

When you think of an addict, you don't really think of those who are around them such as family, friends, and in my case, significant other. But if anything, addiction affects everyone in different ways. The addict is doing the drug, but the consequences of that affect the rest of us. And I never realized that was a thing until he relapsed for the first time.

So instead of throwing that all on Tiff, I called and set up a therapy session. And after a single session, I can feel the difference in myself. Granted it's only a few, but it's really great having a professional to talk to, someone who can help me not think the way I do. And I can only imagine how much she'll help me in the future when I need someone.

But talking to her still doesn't fill the lonely void that's been increasing in my chest over the weeks. Harry has been completely silent. We haven't spoken in weeks and no matter what I say to my therapist, nothing helps. All I can do is miss him and wait for him to be ready. I just hope we can still be the same when he and I both are ready to pick up where we left off. I know that I'm ready, but it's up to him and I'm willing to wait.

When I step into my apartment, I'm for once glad that it's cold. The heat only continues to go up and I'm so glad that summer is here. And that also means my birthday is coming up this weekend on June second, but I don't really know how I feel about it. I've never hated my birthday, but I'll be nineteen and it sort of gets older after awhile. It's just another day now.

  I pull my things out of my bag before tossing it into my hall closet, happy that I won't have to see it back out for a few months. Summer break has always been my favorite, and this year it seems like a huge reward. I need this break from school and hopefully I'll be able to focus more on Harry and I'd relationship and his situation as well as my art.

  I've been sort of stuck trying to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life. I know I want it to involve art, but after the fiasco with Campbell and Jessie, I don't know how much I want my art to be up in gallery's. I think I'd rather do something else. I just don't know what.