addicted: judd birch & stass

CHAPTER 4: passengers seat

i sipped my monster eagerly as i searched my brain for thoughts and answers to the situation which had just occurred with judd. i was so confused and disorientated. how had he found my spotify, and how did he know i was going to be behind the sports hall? i really didn't have the right levels of anything up, i was still starving, the nic rush was hitting, and now so was the monster.

i decided to ditch school for the rest of the day, the only lessons i had left weren't any of my gcse options, anyway. i strode right out of the school sight and walked towards the train station. whilst i was walking with my music blaring in my ears, a middle aged man eyed me up and down and wolf whistled.

'go fuck yourself, you inbred cunt' i shouted, crossing the road to avoid confronting him. he looked shocked, and started walking off quickly. i was still young, turning 16 in a few months. that man was at least 30 years older than me. it's fucked up.

i got to the station and bought a child ticket to town. school was on the suburbs of town and i wanted to visit a few shops. i was running low on some make up items and i was still starving.

i walked to the platform that my ticket instructed me too and sat in the shelter, waiting. it had started to dribble with rain, and i was only in my uniform with my nike jumper. i searched through my bag for my debit card and slid it into the back of my phone case. i hadn't realised just how much shit was in my bag until i stuck my hand in. there were broken lighters, old cans, mouldy food, school books, and just almost everything you'd expect to find in a bag which had never been emptied. eventually the train pulled up and i searched for a carriage with nobody on.

i sat down in a seat and leant against the window. my eyeliner had smudged a little from the rain and my hair was still a bit damp. i opened my spotify eagerly on my shitty phone and started listening to some more kells. i chose hotel diablo. it reminded me of judd, since he'd somehow stalked my music taste, but i shook the thought away. it was a one time encounter, anyway.

my stop came around and i swung around the poles waiting for the doors to open. an old woman got on and scowled at my outfit and the length of my skirt, along with the sight of a few faded scars on my thighs. i stuck my head out at her and widened my eyes, until she hurried along the carriage, and i got off.

i walked to the shopping centre and stopped at mcdonald's first. i got a large diet coke and a saver wrap of the day. i only had about £4 in my bank account and i hadn't spoken to my dad in weeks, so there was no chance of any transfer.

i walked into boots to find the make up that i needed more of. i grabbed the eyeliner that i used religiously and slid it into my bag when the aisle was empty. i stole a few more concealers, a fancy primer that i would never be able to afford, and a pair of natural lashes. i walked out the store confidently and found a bench facing a cex shop.

i sipped my coke and studied the lashes i'd just taken. they would be great for school if i actually wanted to make an effort in the mornings. i was halfway through my train of thought when a voice startled me.

'you, again?' i knew the voice immediately. it was judd. somehow he was here too. i set down my coke and peered up at him.

'can you stop following me around? i gave you a cig and i got my monster, is the deal not done?'

he folded his arms and kissed his teeth.

'i'm not following you round, you faggot, my sister needed a lift here for her gay day job at cex. i'm talking to you because you seem weirdly more chill than any other year 11, and i've got no one else to smoke with.'

'you wanna smoke with me?' i spat back, shoving my stolen make up into my bag.

'i mean sure i guess, you seem kind of chill too.' i continued.

judd smirked slightly and stepped forward to pat my shoulder.

'it's cold, why aren't you wearing a coat stass?'

i turned and looked at his hand on my shoulder, flicking it off.

'i'm not cold. i'm probably going to go home soon anyway. i came here to avoid the rest of my shit, and to get a few essentials.'

'you want a lift home?' he replied, snatching my bag off me. i stood up and swatted his body in an attempt to get my bag back.

'give it back you fucking dick' i laughed, frantically patting down his chest to catch him out.

he moved his arms suddenly and held my hand on his heart.

i craned my neck up and locked eyes with him. i could feel his heart pounding, and the contours of his chest. i couldn't lie, he was fucking gorgeous. my breath slowed and i leant in to kiss him, moving my face close enough to his that i could feel his warm breath on my face.

he sourly swerved me and shoved me back down onto the bench.

'i'm not that easy stass, come on, i'll drop you home.'

i sat star stuck for a second, and then nodded and walked next to him to wherever his car was. i was confused. he did everything leading up to the kiss, but still backed out. i put off the thoughts in my head and just decided he was friendly enough to smoke with, like he offered, and nothing more.

i got in the front passengers seat and strapped myself in.

'you got an aux?' i questioned, trying to figure out his car stereo.

'of course you retard, who the fuck drives without music?' he said, turning to face me.

i felt a glowing sense in the pits of my stomach when he looked at me. i watched as he switched the music on.

'you're playing digital druglord by blackbear? holy shit, maybe you're not as weird as i thought' i gushed. he shuffled in his seat and turned it up.

'of course. this album has been the only thing there for me since i was like 14.'

i looked at him whilst he gripped the wheel whilst concentrating on the road and decided not to reply. i didn't know anything about this boy, or what he'd been through, or what he was even doing with me, but i couldn't help but feel like i wanted him to protect me. he felt so shielding and caring, in the most unexpected way possible. fuck lol, i sounded like such a fool. honestly, i blame my absent ass dad for these kind of feelings. i sang with the lyrics as the first track began playing and stared at the passing traffic. the journey was quick.

finally, we were at my road. i told him to stop a few metres before my house so my parents didn't spot the car. i thanked him, dropped a cig in his glove compartment, and offered up my hand for a shitty high five. he clapped my hand and then moulded his fingers around mine.

'see you around, fuckwit.'

i pulled away from his hand and shut the door. i was about to walk towards my house when i suddenly had a thought.

'wait, how the fuck do you know where i live??' i yelped, chasing the car as it drove off. judd turned around in his seat and i could just about see him in the side mirror with his middle finger up.

that boy was a fucking drug. and i could feel the come down coming.