addicted: judd birch & stass

CHAPTER 18: reputation

/ hey, this is a filler chapter where i give more contextual background to stass and judd :) it will help with the story line . \

anastasia pollus

i was born in the early 2000's, to my mum and dad, in a small town in england. i was the second child of my parents, after my older brother. my little sister came along 3 and a bit years later.

my dad left when i was 8. he ran off with another woman and it tore my mum apart. i tried so hard to understand what my mum was going through, but i was only 8. i had no idea what was really going on. i was blinded by the idea of a perfect and functional family.

me, mum and my sister lived alone in a small house in the small town for years, after dad left. we still live here. we moved out of the house that we used to share with him, and bought a cheap small one. the house is okay, for us at least.

my room used to be small and plain, but as i became a teenager, and became more alert to my trauma and the undeniable problems in my house, it changed. i got a double bed eventually and began decorating it, kind of to reflect my mind. i had pictures on the wall of musicians and albums, idols, random tweets, concerts, quotes, and basically anything that felt like me. i'd scrawled hundreds of song lyrics all over my wardrobe and in other numerous places. it felt like they belonged. they summed up my situation well and it helped me to accept my reality.

i didn't have a room at my dads, him and his 3 year wedded wife live 4,000 miles across the ocean. at first, i forgave my dad, and tried to look past his fucked up way of being, but now i can't deny it. i cant deny who he is.

i'd never been lucky in love, i'd tried to have boyfriends and good relationships, but they all just failed. i didn't think judd would ever want to be anything, not even my friend. but now i feel like he was always meant to be here, with me, as my blue haired cunt boyfriend.

i started to experiment with make up when i was 12, but didn't discover what i really wanted to look like until i was 14. i changed the shape of my brows and began wearing big fuck off eyeliner everywhere. at first my mum was mad that i'd fucked up my room and my appearance, but now she just leaves it. music and style has been the only thing that i've stayed for. she knows that if she took it away from me, i would give in to everything that i shouldn't.

judd birch

i was born in 2003, to my mum and dad. i was their first child. they put a fuck ton of pressure on me to be the perfect kid, but i feel like they always knew that i was different, even from my early years.

i don't have a sob story, or any significant trauma that still affects me. when i was 4, i threw a toy at some kid at my daycare, because he high fived the girl i liked, and he had to get stitches in his head. i felt bad, because to be fair i overreacted, but i couldn't help but feel like i needed to protect and isolate everyone who i loved or wanted. i didn't feel that way about my parents, but i did feel that way about leah and nick. and now, stass.

as i grew up, i became more and more problematic. i tried to run away when i was 14 and my parents went crazy. they called the police off the hook until they answered, and demanded that they send out a search party. i was only crashing at my friends house two towns away, but they still found me, and now i have a note about it written on my record.

i didn't want to be a difficult child, or make my parents batshit mental, but i also didn't want to be an easy stuck up little shit. when i was 15 i impulsively got curtains, and a buzz cut underneath. then when i was 16, i bleached the tips of the curtains and dyed them electric blue. it felt like me. i've been redoing it ever since.

i'd never been into cringey popstars or flex hungry rappers, growing up. i just liked what i liked. i saved up for a record player in my early teenage years and bought records of artists like blackbear, blink-182, mgk, yungblud, paramore, green day, and a fuck ton more. i didn't care much for my room, the same way i didn't care about my reputation, so i just had a few posters kicking around, along with some basic furniture and empty monster cans.

i didn't really believe in love. i had a hard way of showing it. i had a girlfriend briefly when i was 16, but we broke up after a few months. i never caught feelings for her. i thought i never could, and then i met stass.