addicted: judd birch & stass

CHAPTER 36: grace

it wasn't any surprise that as soon as i got home i regretted it. everything was too quiet. mum barely attempted a smile when i banged my fist on the door, instead she just let me in, slammed the door behind me, and left me to it. i kind of liked it this way though. at least there was no pressure to conform into the daughter that i knew my mum wanted to be.

it was about 4pm and since getting home on this gritty sunday all i'd done is watch my phone charge and check up on my social media. i tried not to get too sucked into it. with judd i guess i was trying to live more in the moment.

i stared in the mirror, grabbed a make up wipe and attacked my face in an attempt to capture the last of my stubborn make up. whilst staring lifelessly into the mirror, i decided that if i was to apply for this job now, to reward myself i'd get a few piercings. maybe a septum and a few more ear ones. all i had at the moment was a few ear ones, and i felt i looked too boring. fuck it. i was gonna get this job.

i jabbed my hands down the side of my bed to fish for my laptop that was most certainly dead and scrambled for my laptop charger. it lit up and i frantically searched for the job. 'HIRING NOW' was in big block print. fuck it, let's do it. i hadn't even completed my GCSE's yet so i didn't know what to put on my CV. 'good communicator.' im lying.

i submitted it and sat back with my hands behind my head. fuck this i need a monster. i grabbed one and stuck my earphones in, running to soundcloud because i'd rinsed all the peep stuff on spotify enough. i checked my emails waiting for a reply from the company even though i knew it would take days. i was just so anxious, especially without judd.
remembering it was school tomorrow, i got my uniform ready and hung it on the end of my bed frame. i flicked my alarms on and strode downstairs to talk to my mum.

'i applied for a job mum, can you fuckin believe it' i laughed, expecting her to be proud and at least interested. instead she whipped her head around and spat 'stop swearing.'
this was rich coming from her. whatever.
'okay don't care. if i do get this job i'm getting my septum pierced and maybe more piercings. i deserve it. anyway i'm gonna cook me and grace dinner, you can have whatever's left.'

i hadn't spoken to my sister in ages. i walked into the kitchen to start making the simple ass pasta i always made before running upstairs to check on her.
'hey G. come down stairs and chat to me whilst i cook us dinner. i've missed you.'
she nodded and followed me down the stairs. i felt so bad, the more i saw her. i was essentially doing to her what mum does to me.

'so how's school been?' i beckoned, reaching for the ingredients in the fridge and turning the radio up an inch to reduce the awkward silence that was filling the air.
'boring. i miss you.'
'i know G, i miss you too. you need to meet my boyfriend judd. i promise that you'd worry less if you knew who i was spending 90% of my time with.'
'okay. can i borrow some of your clothes for non uniform?

i frowned my eyebrows.
'my clothes, G? we dress completely different. plus you're literally 12 they won't fit.'

'okay then, i just wanted to look more like you.' she replied, getting down from the table she was at, where she was watching. she walked out of the kitchen and shut the door behind her. Fuck.

look more like me? like me? i always felt like everybody in my family mimicked how i looked and didn't care about how it made me feel. i didn't want grace to feel like that at all. she's too young. whatever it's just clothes. she better like her dinner.

i called her back down after serving it and we sat in the front room with my mum, eating it. there was some weird house documentary on in the background that she knew me and grace had absolutely no interest in. but of course she didn't change it.

after we were done eating i washed everything up and texted judd. it made me nervous thinking about it. i grabbed the half drank monster from my room and decided to just show up at judd's instead of texting him. i threw my oversized black zip up on and grabbed my small handbag with everything i needed in it. grabbing my keys that i never used on the way out, i was gone.