addicted: judd birch & stass

CHAPTER 37: static

walking to judd's house had become a feeling that i loved. i loved how nobody knew me in the dark, how nobody knew where i was going or why, and how nobody cared. i longed for the freedom. it was release - detaching myself from my family home to live out my ever growing fantasy with judd. it felt like a fantasy most of the time. the person i'd become in a relationship became a person i was used to.

i turned the corner to his street, admiring the rows of houses, with the kitchen lights on in some, with pets yapping in hallways, and family's laughing in warm living rooms. i envied it so stupidly but i couldn't help but admire the beauty of it. i loved living out what was taken out of me, through other people and their lives. i loved how i didn't know the ins and outs. i loved how it was all just supposedly picture perfect.

finally i reached the door, and slammed the knocker carelessly waiting for judd to answer the door. the door swung open and i fell forward stupidly, not noticing how much i was leaning into the house. i must of been more tired than i thought.
'stass?'
it was judd's dad, elliot. it surprised me that judd didn't answer but he didn't know i was here, i guess.
'hi elliot, is it alright if i come in?'
i walked in whilst asking. call me rude but i was desperate to see judd. the anxiety of the confession hadn't really hit me until i was stood aimlessly in his house landing with his dad gawking at me. i began making my way to the stairs after i heard elliot agree to my question.
'wait stass don't go in ju-'

i burst through judd's door, smiling goofily expecting him to be sprung over his bed with his eyes lit at the sight of me. but he wasn't. she was there.

she was shorter than me, which is something i weirdly picked up first. she had streaky blonde hair with an eyebrow piercing and dark sharp make up. she was wearing a black tracksuit littered in rhinestones, her arm perched around judd's shoulder whilst they sat facing his wall.
i stared. time went weird. i stared for longer. had it been seconds or minutes since i opened the door? everything in my head was static.  he hasn't said anything. why hasn't he said anything? they were just staring back at me. my throat had gone numb and my body went all feeble and fucked. i couldn't hear. every decision i had ever made was irrelevant. nothing else mattered. nothing else in the fucking world mattered.

'STASS-'
his voice screeched, flying towards the doorway that i had just turned away from. i rushed down the stairs and forced the front door open, trying to fumble the door lock to turn through the midst of my eyes welling up with stinging warm tears. i ran down the street, my trainers rubbing on the backs of my feet angrily as i felt my bones seep and rattle inside my shaking body. i was running so fast i couldn't even think. i just kept going. should i call M? or my mum or grace? fuck, i truly didn't have anyone. i was still running. cars were speeding fast and my tears trickled out my eyes before flying off my cheeks because of the wind fighting against me. i didn't want to stop. i didn't want to go home. i didn't want to go anywhere.

maybe this was the sweet ending id always longed for.