addicted: judd birch & stass

CHAPTER 33: party monster

i pulled the dress over my body and turned around in the small bathroom to look in the mirror. i decided to add some knee length black socks as i thought my legs looked too bare for my liking. i put on my black converse and laced them up tight.

before starting my make up i took a few swiggs of the knock off smirnoff and cleared my throat. i did my normal make up but did huge eyeliner and stuck on some lashes i found in M's cupboard. i blinked until they sat comfortably and then pulled my hair to the front of my face, shaking my bangs with my fingers inbetween my hair strands.
lastly i reached for some body spray and some perfume and i was done.

i looked too fucking neat, which i hated, so i just dragged some smudged black eyeshadow down my eyes and left it. i walked back into M's bedroom to find her ready at the same time. she posted a snap to her story telling everyone in our year to show up in like 20 minutes. judd still hadn't replied to me but i tried not to check if he had left me on read.

we walked downstairs and threw some shit lying around behind her sofa to try and make the house look ready for the party. assuming that M's parents didn't know about the party, i wanted to try and keep it as clean as possible for her.

'let's make our first drink and then we can have a quick smoke if you want' she asked.
'sounds good.' i said.

we grabbed a stack of red cups and lined them up, pouring vodka and coke into all of them. we added extra vodka to our own cups. we were the hosts, after all.

we opened the sliding door into the garden and i passed a cig to M. we lit them both and sat in her garden chairs, letting the smoke fill the air instead of a feeble conversation. eventually we stubbed them out and we waited patiently for people to arrive.

suddenly a pound on the door shook us and we leaped to see who was here. a group of about 15 friends from our year were stood outside, drink in hands at the ready. we let them in and they hugged us all enthusiastically.

'this night is about to be so good! come on jessie' one of them said.
i furrowed my brows and figured no one there was called jessie - until i peered behind the group and saw two tiny tweenagers at the door step.

'sorry kids this is a party for year 11 and up only, no 12 year olds allowed here.' i giggled.

'actually, we're 13. and i think i deserve a free ticket, you've been staying at my house for days anyway.'
i widened my eyes at the child until i realised it was nick. judd's brother. this has to be a fucking joke.

'where's your older brother nick?' i peered, snatching the 6% wkd out of their sweaty hands.

'i don't know if he's coming, but that shouldn't matter, you get to come to my house so i get to go to yours'

'well this actually isn't my house, it's my best friends house but-'

before i could squeeze another word out, the small red head and stubby in law had made it past me and into the house. i rolled my eyes and just slammed the door.

the door bell went off again and eventually we just left the door open and let everyone in. most of them were year 11 anyway. soon the house was booming with teenagers. there were red cups everywhere, people smoking zoots in the kitchen, people spilling drinks on the walls, couples going up to the guest bedrooms, girls crying on the phone to their ex's, and there was me. without judd.

it had been about 2 hours since the party started and i saw no chance of it ending any time soon. don't get me wrong - i didn't want it to end - but i did want my boyfriend to show up. it wasn't my fault that my mum was so iridescently toxic. he better make this up to me in one way or another.

i was on my 3rd or 4th drink and i was really starting to feel the alcohol. i laughed as i circled around rooms until i bumped into a boy in my year rolling a zoot.

'yo stass! you want some of this?' he offered.
i stood there staring aimlessly at him for a few seconds until i wound up deciding to turn him down.
'i'm sorry rhys' i began, leaning up to his ear as the music was blaring so loudly. 'i don't wanna get cross faded again, last time that shit happened i threw up for like 2 days'

rhys laughed and grabbed my shoulder and hugged me shakily.
'don't worry babe enjoy your night. i'm gonna have my spliff in the garden now. see you later.'

i nodded and walked off. fuck i was lonely. and i was fucked up. i reached for a random bottle of vodka on the side and drank it impatiently. i was so low and all i wanted was judd. i fumbled for my phone in my pocket and opened imessage warily.
still no reply. fuck him. fuck this. i'm finding something else to abuse my system with.

i pushed past bodies, pulling their shoulders towards me to make it through the crowd. i reached the doors to the garden and grabbed rhys.

'i need something. you have any md??? like anything?'

'yeah i got a few pills, i'll split one for you as i know you can't handle a whole one right now. you can give me cash for it tomorrow.'

'thank you.' i smiled, watching rhys split it, and then reaching for the half crushed pill and swallowing it anxiously.

i'd done md like once before. but it was a tiny amount of it and i wasn't drunk. i kind of regretted my decision but honestly what else was there to do? i walked around for a while, waiting for it to kick in, saying hi to random people, and making sure everyone was having a good night.

i reached one of M's sofas and saw jessie and nick sat there, probably 'drunk' off of two sips of wkd.
'you alright tweenies? god i'm so fucking drunk.'
'better not be too drunk, my brothers coming to see you, he just texted me like 5 minutes ago.'

i took a deep breath and tried to reconcile with myself until i realised the md had kicked in. my jaw started going haywire but i managed to calm myself down and stop it from being so obvious. i walked away from the sofa and through to to the kitchen. i could feel everything. i could feel the fucking colour of the floor. but i felt so happy. i laughed and made faces at the random teenagers around me and went to grab another drink.

my arm reached for the bottle but someone latched onto my waist and pulled me towards them.

'stass?'