Unpredictable • cth

19

Ella-

If you wanted me to be honest I was too scared to open my eyes. I wanted them to be stapled shut so I never have to look out into darkness again.

I can hear the boys chattering, they were trying to be quietly but failing. My fathers strong arms have been wrapped around me since I went to sleep and have yet to leave. From the small glimpse I caught before I forced my eyes shut was Ryder sleeping next to me, holding tightly onto my blanket.

I know my father felt me stir awake, as the room suddenly quieted and his group was slowly loosening.

I slowly opened my eyes, praying this wasn't another nightmare. I allowed the light to slowly peak through into my sight, feeling my father slowly start to sit me up on the bed, to make sure I'm alright.

I turned back to look at Ryder who looked happy than I expected causing me to feel as if something happened in my slumber.

Uncle Ash was the first to speak up.

"Hey El, how you feeling?"

My head snapped towards him, my eyes now wide open, my eyes searching his for just the slightest bit of understanding.

"I'm sorry."

"Hey don't be sorry, it's ok." My fathers voice was now trying to help me make sense of this entire situation, which I didn't exactly want. I wanted it to be a blur, I didn't want to remember exactly what I saw last night or what I did.

"No. I shouldn't have fallen asleep."

Everyone is now looking at me, confusion washing over their faces. They were the one trying to help me sleep last night so I can see how my statement was a cause for concern.

"In the bathtub. I shouldn't have fallen asleep in the bathtub."

My voice was slowly getting stronger the more I spoke, looking around the room in hopes of someone saying anything in response to my apology or whatever I was doing.

"You mean, you didn't do that on purpose?"

His words cut through me like a knife. The tension increased dramatically within a few seconds. My eyes darted directly over to Caleb, who looked petrified to ask that question. My jaw clenched and the temperature in my cheeks was rising.

A hand intertwined itself with mine, causing my body to loosen slightly.

"No. Why the hell would I do that?" The irritation was evident in my voice. My father now stiffened at the sound of my voice.

"Ella." Uncle Ash's voice was stern.

"No, tell me Caleb why do you think I would ever try to drown myself."

"Ok Ella I think you need to rest a little longer."

Ryder now trying to push my shoulders back down to lay on the bed. Everyone encouraging him to do so, mainly because no one had seen me so snappy.

"I'm sorry El."

I shot back up to where I was sitting before, slowly starting to rise out of my seat. I now removed my hand from Ryder's grasp, along with wiggling away from my father.

I was looking at my family members. Now starting directly at Caleb, slowly standing up and taking a calm walk to the direction of my bathroom.

"Come sit back down El." My fathers voice was low, almost threatening.

"I'm just going to brush my teeth." I turned slightly as a I spoke. "I'll even leave the door open."

I huffed off, wanted so bad to scream, to throw something. How could they think I wanted to die? And if I wanted to it's sick to do it the same way my mom did. But they don't know that.