Unpredictable • cth

54

Ella

It's been about two hours since my outburst, my body finally feeling grounded again, the ringing in my ears finally subdued, my mind finally focusing on anything other than the fact that Mia had been biting her lip aggressively, I was calm.

My body is laid on my bed with Ryder holding me tightly against his chest, much against my own free will may I add, with the rest of my family spread out across my house all trying to figure out a solution to put now eminent issue.

He has been whispering sweet nothings into my ear in attempt to calm me down, make my body come back to earth. His hands rubbing up and down my arms in a comforting way as he pressed sweet kisses to the top of my head in hopes of having my body relax into his own. But seeing as after I yelled at everyone to get out of my house and no one move so I started to have a full blown panic attack, something I haven't had in months, Aunt S shouted for Ryder to grab me and pull me against his body in hopes that his familiarity would allow me to calm down psychically as Aunt S talked me down emotionally.

So he held my body with one hand around my waist and the other across my collarbones, pulling me against his body as my head fell back into his shoulder just trying to gasp for air. I heard Aunt S talking but it sounded like she was underwater the whole time, only making the attack worse until everything went out, my body going limp in Ryder's arms as everything went black and numb around me.

Then I woke up here about 30 minutes ago, my head turned upward to look up toward Ryder who had worried and tear filled eyes as he twisted my curls around one of his fingers and kept my body close with the rest.

Mia was asleep in the bed next to us, her hand holding mind gently as she slept into oblivion. Caleb was sat with his back up against the wall so he had an eye on my bedroom door as well as on the three of us laying on my bed. As odd as it sounds it felt normal with the three of us like this even though it was far from, it was nice to imagine it being fine.

Ryder has been speaking to me gently for the past 30 minutes, asking me if I wanted to get up or leave or if I wanted him to touch me and as far as the last question goes I almost wanted to say no because I felt like I was suffocating in my own mind but I didn't want to push him away so I lifted my free hand to grab his own and plant a small kiss to the palm of his own.

So now we are laying here with Caleb downstairs talking to the officer Mali called back her without a second glance leaving Ryder and I laying in my exchanging few words with my best friend asleep next to me.

"You know we wanted to tell you." Ryder's words were gentle as he turned his attention down to me, raking his fingers through my curls softly as his eyes flicked away to try and keep his expression.

I nodded, knowing that deep down they were hoping nothing was to come of it so they wanted to keep it to themselves. Also the thought that it would keep me as well as everyone else that is downstairs in the house right now from worrying their ass off over it.

"That's why you kept me with you at your birthday." I stated more to myself than towards him, staring at his blue eyes as his fingers stopped running through my hair.

"Not entirely." He breathed out, slightly lifting my body so he could lay further down on my bed. "I wanted to be with you the whole night regardless, I never want to be without you Els." He spoke sweetly but a frown evident on his face as he tried to figure out his next words. "But knowing that you were with me the whole time and no one else could get you did make me feel a million times better."

I nodded at his words, putting two and two together finally. I understood that Ryder and Caleb knew longer than Mia but nothing had actually happened so they felt no need to come forward with it. Though I still don't see how Mia found out because if Ryder and C were hesitate to tell me then why would tell her.