heavenly ✓

𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 38

♡︎𝚘𝚙𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚊'𝚜 𝚙𝚘𝚟♡︎

I had been lying to myself for a year.

Trying to forget him and hate him. I always thought that that was it. I got rid of him... but the single thought of him still made me fall even more.

I used to try not think about him, and somehow it felt like I was free from him... And then i realized that i'm still in love with him, when i was rolling in bed trying in vain to get thr sleep at three in the morning. i couldn't sleep a wink all night. As closing my eyes would mean setting to dream, and dreaming would mean seeing myself by your side, and that's a burden my heart couldn't bear very early in the morning, once dream come to an end.

But i was fooling myself. He had been suffering to protect me all along. How foolish was i?

I thought that he cut my soul more than he kissed it, and broke my spirit more time than he ever lifted it. I thought he took more good from me than he ever gave me, and stood there watching me bail my eyes out as he never confronted me...

But it has been me all along. I wqs in the shadows protecting myself from him, while he made sure nothing bad came my way.

how heartless can i be? how emotionless can i become?

strange isn't it?

how you can be desperately in love with someone even when you haven't spoken to or seen them for a year. I think it's incredible how despite the distance between two people, you'll never stop loving them. That's just how love works, i suppose, you either love them forever or you never loved them to begin with. Love doesn't leave just because the person does.

Because even after a year, when our eyes met and suddenly i forget how to breath.

i was lovesick.

And the fact that the word lovesick exists, that the simple absence of a person can make you physically ill, says a great deal about the terrible power if the human heart.

i fucking miss him too much right now. i always did, but never had the courage to admit it. because i fucking thought he was the bad guy... but I was.

Someone calling my name, pulled me out of my thoughts, and i realized i had my next patient now. So i wanted patiently for someone enter the room so i can help as much as i could to take away their pain.

But him opening the door and closing it, then taking a seat so calmly while i was left with my mouth hang open, shocked me. Then i realized that he was my patient as ariana- the sweetest nurse in here, told me. So he was probably injured.

"Alexander! are you okay?" i rushed to him, looking for any injuries but when i found none i kept my questions going.

"where does it hurt? is the pain too much? do you hit yourself or-

" i'm fine baby " he grabbed my hand, massaging small circles on my palm to calm me.

"why are you here? you're worrying me" i held his hand back.

"i'm good ophelia. Just wanted to deliver your lunch. Since i just knew that that fucker Karl had been eating it" he answered.

"karl? breakfast? what?!" i was so damn confused.

"i've been sending you breakfast all week. I know we left things weirdly last Saturday, but i needed to make sure you're eating. And since today is Saturday, i decided to come deliver it myself, but when i gave it to Karl, thinking that he'll give it to you, He straight out ate it while flirting with me" alex shook his head.

"so i had to go and get you another one, and since your morning break finished, i had to make an appointment so you can feed your little tummy" he scratched the back of his neck.

"thank you Alexander" i came forward and hugged him. He stiffened and i knew he may pull back.

"just for a few moments Xander.." i buried my head in his chest.

"i would want to stay here forever." he put his chin on my head.

"Our love was just too strong, but wrong timing and it decided that we didn't belong" he murmured above a whisper.

"Do you think universe fights for souls to be together? Some things are too strong and too strange to be coincidences." i asked him pulling away.

"maybe fate always had our paths aligned, even if we wouldn't work out..."

He stepped closer to me, our bodies touching, making my breath hitch and my cheeks redden.

"but would we?" Alex brought he hand up to my cheek "would we ever be back again? would i ever cuddle you or drink from your coffee cup?"

When i don't answer, he bends to catch my eyes "am i asking too many questions?"

"it can take me some time to answer them..." i take a breath "it's not you"

"No, no. Lie to me" he even moved closer, his heart-stopping smile returning. "let me pretend that when we're alone, i rend you speechless" i shifted my eyes down.

"look at me ophelia" I blinked a few times ans pulled my gazes up to his eyes again. Through the pain he still smiled at me.

"break my heart lia. break it and play with the pieces. i wouldn't care if it hurts as long as it's you. It's been always yours to do whatever with."

"Xander i-

"i look at you, and i just love you lia. It terrifies me what i would do for you, but at the same time.. it doesn't. because for you i would burn my flesh smiling and break my bones laughing."

"i thin we were always meant to be, but we did it wrong." i whispered, staring into his honey like eyes.

"i know that you hate me lia.."

"can't you shut the fuck up?" i snapped "it's like you didn't listen to what i said! i never hated you Xander. never. i may have acted like i do, because it was easier than admitting that i miss you."

"i never knew how deeply i was enterwined with you, until i went away. I still love you alex. Always have. always will. I don't think i have it in my power to stop." i continued.

"i would look at you in million ways, and still love you with each"

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