Only You {Shawn Mendes}

33.

"Shawn can you please tell me what I did?" I ask and he just glares at me. It was a glare of pure hatred filled with hurt and sadness. I don't know what the hell I did and none of the guys are telling me, they're all saying it's none of their business and they're trying to stay out of it.

"You were with every guy last night. I can't even count how many guys I saw you kiss. Matthew saw you with some guy and he was leading you upstairs. Seeing you with these guys hurt me Skyler." His eyes began to water but he wasn't letting the tears escape. You can tell by the look in his eyes he was feeling all types of emotions. Sad, hurt, cheated, betrayed, angry and plenty more emotions.

"Shawn I-" I was cut off by Shawn. "I don't need one of your lame ass excuses! You think a simple sorry is going to fix everything don't you?!?!" He yells and I jump back slightly frightened. Shawn's face was red with anger and a vein popped out of his neck, his eyes were filled with tears but he wasn't letting them fall. Neither of us said anything, I had no clue what to say. He's hurting and it's all my fault.

"I'm more mad at myself then at you. I can't believe I allowed myself to fall in love with a drug addict who has self esteem problems. I knew what I was getting into before we were in a relationship. I knew you would never love me as much as you loved Cody. Your a selfish bitch, an immature brat and a slut. I knew all of this and I cant believe I still fell for you. I'm so stupid." He ran his fingers through his hair and looked away from me.

"Your right I never loved you as much as I loved Cody. I love you more than I loved Cody." My voice cracked a little and I ran out the room almost in tears. 

"Skyler?" I hear Cameron say but I continue to run. I ran into my room and locked the door behind me. The bathroom door was open and I walked into the bathroom. I closed the door behind me. I leaned against the door and a few tears escaped my eyes before they all fell at once. I covered my mouth and slid down the down. I cried and cried until I had no more tears left.

I grab my makeup bag and rummage through the small bag. I pull out the blade and cut both of my wrist. They were deep and painful, but that's what I needed. Pain. I need the physical pain to take away from the emotional pain.

Those words Shawn said to me killed every last hope I had. I don't wan't to live anymore, I want to die.

Drug Addict

Self Esteem problems

Selfish Bitch

Immature Brat

Slut

Shawn's words were still lingering around my mind. 

After hours of just sitting on the bathroom floor with blood dripping from my wrist on to the white tiled bathroom floor I decided to clean up and get out the bathroom. I walk out the bathroom and grabbed one of my oversized sweaters. It was probably Cam's since I gave all of Shawn's stuff back. I wanted NOTHING to do with him after this, I even gave him back the huge stuffed animals that he got for me at the boardwalk. I looked down to make sure both my arms were covered and I saw the ring that I brought at Disney. 

To infinity It read "And beyond." I whispered to myself. I stared at the ring for a second before pulling it off and tossing it against the wall. Being single is much easier than being in a relationship. I don't have to worry about anyone but myself and I don't have to worry about the heart break that comes after. 

I say that now...

I take out my contacts and put on my glasses. I quickly threw my hair into a messy bun and grabbed my phone and some headphones. I slipped on a pair of shoes and walked out the room. All the guys were sitting in the living room watching some movie. I walk past them and out the hotel room. I went up to the roof and sat at the edge of the building looking down at the passing car. 

This can all be over.

I pull out my phone and start playing music, Bulletproof Love by Pierce The Veil came on first.

I'll sing along, oh
'Cause I don't know any other song.
I'll sing along,
but I'm barely hanging on.
No, I'm barely hanging on.
By the time you're hearing this I'll already be gone,
and now there's nothing to do but scream at the drunken moon.

This isn't fair!
(No!)
Don't you try to blame this on me.
My love for you was bulletproof but you're the one who shot me.
And god damn it, I can barely say your name,
so I'll try to write it and fill the pen with blood from the sink.
Whoa oh
But don't just say it, you should sing my name.
Pretend that it's a song 'cause forever it's yours,
and we can sing this on the way home.

I sang along to the song and cried while doing so. 

He's just a stupid teenage boy, why am I crying over him. Everyone leaves me eventually so I should be use to it by now. 

but then again... no one likes the thought of being alone.

I grabbed a blunt from my side bag that I grabbed before I left and pulled out a lighter. I lit the blunt and took a hit from it. After the first couple hits I was relaxed. Nothing mattered anymore, all my problems we're gone. For now at least. 

***

"Skyler, where have you been?" Cameron asks and I walk right past him. I just want to sleep. "SKYLER!" He yells and I turn to face him. 

"What the fuck do you want?" I asked annoyed. I'm clearly not in the mood to fight with him. "Where were you?" He asked and I roll my eyes. "On the roof why?" I ask and he looks at his phone. "You've been on the roof for almost four hours?" He says while raising an eyebrow. "Yeah. Anything else?" I asks and he shakes his head no. I start walking to my room when Cam stops me. "I love you Sky." He says and I turn to face him. He pulls me into a hug and kisses my forehead. "It only gets better." He says and I pull away from the hug.

"Then why is it only getting worse?" I say to myself but Cam hears me. "Sometimes you gotta fall before you fly." He says and I walk into the room I now share with Azu she was laying on her bed when she looked over at me. 

"Hey are you okay?" Azu asks and I nod. "Are you sure?" She asks again. "Yeah I'm fine." I say while grabbing a pair of Cameron's black sweatpants. I went into the bathroom and changed into his sweatpants. I took off my makeup that was now all over my face. I walked out the bathroom and crawled in bed. I hugged the pillow and started to slowly drift off to sleep.