FELLOWSHIP || Ateez Fanfiction

Chapter Four: Caring

Seonghwa POV

Two and a half weeks ago
I am on my way to my fiancée's house like every other day. It's a chilly morning even for an early autumn day. Grey clouds hang low over the island. There are a lot of people in the streets of Laopstech. Rosalie has been ill for a few weeks now, so I checked in on her every day to cheer her up.
But somehow today feels different. The air feels kind of... heavy.

I reach her parent's house at the outskirts of the town. As I get closer I notice that the door is left ajar.
"Hello? Mister and Miss Kertna are you there?", I shout while I enter. Rosalie's mother comes out of her room. Her eyes are red from crying and she has a handkerchief in her hands. She gives me short hug as soon as she sees me. "Oh Seonghwa darling, it's so horrible.", she says.
I feel a sting in my heart. It is not how I think it is, is it? "Is she...?"
"I'll bring you to her."

The doctor just left as we enter Rosalie's room. Rosalie is laying in her bed. She facing the ceiling and her eyes are closed. Her skin is sickly pale and she hasn't moved one bit since I have entered.
She is dead.
I fall onto my knees and grab her hand. Tears roll down my face as I remember all the happy memories we had together. She was the one. I wanted to spend my whole life with her. What did I do to deserve this? We wanted to get married in a few weeks but then she suddenly got very ill and now she is gone. How could I ever live without her? She was the purest soul I have ever met. She was my light. Even when I was struggling she was always there for me.

I don't know for how long I have cried but by now I just don't have no tears left anymore. There is just emptiness. I stare at her face for a while before I decide to take a walk around the lake to clear my mind.
I walk down the road. The lake is only five minutes from here. Cold wind brushes through my hair. A few raindrops land on my face. It seems like a storm is coming soon but I don't care. Just as I reach the lake it starts to rain heavily.
I walk for a long time just staring into the distance. The grassland around the lake feels just as empty as my heart does. By now I am completely soaked but I don't care.

After a while I decide to go back. I knock at the door of Rosalie's house. Her dad opens the door and shoves me inside. "Get in. Where were you? Why did go out in this storm? Miss Kertna was very worried about you.", he says.
"I just went for a walk at the lake to clear my mind.", I explain.
Miss Kertna enters the room and hugs me. "Oh thank god! You're back! I almost had a heart attack when I saw that you were walking outside in the storm. You should take off your wet clothes and warm yourself up. You can lend some of my husband's clothes. I will make you a warm tea.", she says and goes to the kitchen. I do as she said and change into some dry clothes. Then me and Rosalie's parents sit down in the living room and drink tea. It is quiet until Mister Kertna suddenly starts talking about Rosalie. We spend the rest of the afternoon talking about her and the past before I head back home.

Now
I look down from the main mast into the endless sea of clouds. I still miss her. Everyday I struggle to fall asleep thinking that there must have been a way to save her. The doctors tried everything but still failed. How can that be? Shouldn't they know how to deal with such illnesses? Or maybe I did not do enough?
"Hey Seonghwa. Don't you want to go to bed? I don't really need your help anymore.", Yunho shouts from behind the steering wheel.
He is right. I probably should get some rest but before I go to bed I need to use the toilet. I climb down the mast and enter the ship through the hatch. It's pitch black inside. I make my way to the kitchen. The moonlight shines through the window so I can see at least a little bit. I grab a half-burned candle from the cupboard and light it with a match. Then I go to the bathroom. I place my candle next to the toilet. Then I suddenly notice a dark figure in the corner of the room. He is cowering on the floor, resting his head on his knees and stares back at me. Then he starts walking towards me.
"I think I will go to sleep.", San says as he passes by. In the faint candle light I notice that his eyes are red from crying. Why was he crying in the middle of the night in a dark room?
I quickly do my toilet business, walk back to the kitchen, blow out the candle and leave it in the cupboard for the next one to use. Then I slip through hatch again. "Goodnight!", I say to Yunho before I enter the Captain's Cabin and lay down next to Hongjoong.