Being a Banner [ 1 of JA ]

37

Sunday passed quickly and I was forced to go back to school again.
As I walk into Honors English, the room is silent with a few tired morning murmurs, and all eyes are on me. I swallow hard and step into the room, not keeping my head low.
Taking my seat, a few sophomores come up to me, standing around my chair.
"Karen, right?" one girl asks.
I laugh nervously, "Kerry,"
"I can't believe you fought that girl," another says, "I knew she was a bitch."
I didn't think of Shannon like that. "Well—"
"But it's good you stood up to her, showed her she's not the queen she thinks herself to be." the last girl says. They all smile and nod as the teacher enters the room, then quickly take their seats.
I was flattered, but I felt awful knowing Shannon was being called such awful names, although I guess it is her fault because she made herself that way. —but what if she didn't?
It was the thoughts like that which send my mind and self-esteem into a spiral.

*************

At lunch I was feeling very guilty. People were coming up to talk to me—more sophomores than freshmen, but the upper class gave no care about me, which I actually liked. The more I was looked at and talked to, the more guilt grabbed me by the throat and shook me like a rag doll.
I hadn't even sat at a table to eat because people care up to talk to me. That was fine, because Jax was staring over at me, watching me. This sophomore who stopped me was going on and on about something I could care less about, but it looked like I was really listening, so Jax couldn't interrupt.
Unfortunately, he stood up and came on over. I pretended not to see him from the corner of my eye as he approached me.
After politely asking the sophomore to leave, I had no other choice but to turn to Jax.
"Hey—Hi—Can we-Can we talk?" he nervously stuttered.
"Depends," I sigh, "Are you going to tell everyone that my dad leaves me alone for countless hours and that's why you've fallen in love with me? That my loneliness is hot?" I was pissed that he told people that Dad spends more time at work than at home, because they ruined the vision of him as a good father.
Jax rolls his eyes, "That's a little dramatic, Banner. . .I'm sorry. I was out of line to talk about your personal life. I know 'work' and 'dad' aren't always good together in the same sentence, and I'm sorry. Vince saw me one day texting you and he got nosey. He started giving me advice and I opened up to him because. . ." He exhaled sharply, like he had been impaled. "I do like you—a lot. Hell, I asked Levi to pretend he was at a baseball game so I could spend time with you—"
"You did that?" I ask, "Levi went along with it?" Jax's face turned red as he nodded. I looked over towards our usual table where I saw Levi. We made eye contact, and with a big goofy smile he waved at me.
"I screwed up, is there any way to make it up to you? Please? I feel awful," he sighs. I stare at his face, those kind blue eyes sparkling with sadness.
      "You really like me?" I ask.
      "Ever since we became best friends," he smiles cutely.
      I smile small, looking down at my tray of food.
      "I never really thought of having a boyfriend," I tell him. "That doesn't meant I'm not interested, you're an awesome guy, but I'm not an awesome girl,"
      Jax shook his head, that smile growing bigger.
      "You're the coolest, smartest, kindest person I know. Why wouldn't I like you?" he chuckles.
I have a number of reasons, I thought.
"How about we set a date? This Friday and if it's the worst date you've ever had, I'd be more than happy to still be best friends," Jax explains.
He smiles big, which makes me smile and nod.
"Okay," I say, "FYI, wherever we go and do, know that I'm broke so we're very limited."
He laughs as we walk over to the lunch table, "We're in the same boat then."

*************

When I enter the apartment after Dad picked me up from school, I dive on the couch and scream as loud as I can into the pillow.
"What on earth is the matter?"
"Jasx afed be ouf." I answer.
"What?" He chuckles.
I lift my head up and look at Dad. "Jax asked me out."
      Suddenly, a big smile crosses his face.
      "That's great!"
      "No!" I shout.
      "No?" he asks.
      "I don't want it to complicate things between us, and I've never really had feelings for him. I agreed because he's my best friend and a really fun guy. . .but there's a part of me that's dreading it all, I don't know why." I explain.
      Dad goes quiet and nods as he comes around the couch to take a seat next to me. He places a hand on my shoulder and looks me in the eyes.
      "If he asked you out, it means he likes you, and enjoys your company. Obviously, you haven't noticed his puppy eyes for years until now—"
      "I need comfort not shots at my ego," I snap.
      Dad laughs, "I'm not done! You two have grown a close connection over the years. It takes courage for someone to exploit their feelings, and I bet he's just as nervous as you are about the date."
"I don't think I'm nervous, I'm worried that it'll complicate our friendship. . .maybe that's why I'm dreading it. He said it won't change anything, but he's a sensitive guy, I know that he'll look at me differently if I don't feel anything." I explain.
Dad placed his hand on my shoulder and shakes me until I smile.
"You don't think you have feelings for him?" he asks.
I groan and fall back into the cushions. "I don't think so. I think he's a pretty good-looking guy, and he'd make any girl happy—"
"Does he make you happy?" Dad asks.
I froze at his question. There were times when I needed to be alone, and Jax respected that, which makes me respect him. I did have a lot of fun at the mall, and there were so many fun memories I had with him and Levi. Even on my worst days he could make me laugh.
I sat up, eyes wide as I shake my head.
"Yes,"
"All you need is to find someone who makes you happy, and you're set for life." Dad smiles.

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Neat-o newly edited chapter looking fresher than ever ;) enjoy!!