Being a Banner [ 1 of JA ]

11

      Dad and I walked around some more and talked up a storm. I never noticed how alike we really are.
Dad and I both like to listen to instrumental songs, his is old composers, and mine are movie soundtracks. Dad is nervous to talk about himself sometimes, and I'm nervous when I talk about myself, because I ramble on about anything but that.

"... So then Levi found out that narwhals do exist." I explain. Looking at the confused smile on Dad's face told me I had lost him. "I tend to do that..."
Dad laughed. "I do that too, rambling to myself."
Himself? Does that mean he's lonely too?
"Are you hungry?" Dad asks.
"Starving." I reply. I skipped breakfast this morning due to showering and picking out clothes. One idea I had was curling my hair, but I realized that my hair will be forever straight. And I don't know how to curl my hair, and I don't own a single curling iron.

We got lunch at the food truck that in the middle of the outlet. "Dad," I said, he looked up at me as he ate a French fry. "Do you like my friends?"
"Jax and Levi?" Dad asked. I nodded. Dad shifted in his seat. "I like them when they're around, I love them when they're not."
I laughed. "Wait, so, do you really like them?"
Dad laughed. "Of course I do, they're weird."
"That's the reason we're friends!" I exclaim.
Dad laughed. "Remind me when you guys met,"
"First grade," I said, "I saw the boys playing basketball, and I wanted to give it a go, they didn't let me play, but then I showed them who's boss at basketball."
"But you don't play, at all," Dad chuckles.
"Yeah... I... Too much exercise." I joke.

"Do you want to play sports?" Dad asks. A part of me wishes to say yes, but physically I have to say no.
"I can't," I tell him.
Dad looked at me confused. "Why?"
"Because my heart is screwy and I'd pass out or have a heart attack if it increases." I explain. Dad looks up at the sky thinking. How had he forgotten I could have a heart attack chasing after a ball.
"Oh yeah, I think you get that from my side." Dad says. I tilt my head to the side, getting interested.
"You have it too?" I ask. Dad shrugs. "So... It's genetic?"
Dad nods. "Yeah, I guess. When I run my heart feels like it's exploding."
"Mine aches. That's why I'm careful in gym." I explain.
"If you had the chance, would you want to play sports?" Dad asks.
I shrug. "It be cool. I mean, I don't really know sports that well. For instance if I played soccer, I'd make a basket for the other team." I explain. I pause, seeing Dad laugh. Something tells me there aren't baskets in soccer. I laugh along with Dad.

This is a pretty fun day, even though we're just talking. Being honest, I'm going to be devastated that Dad will be going back to his job in a week. What will he do when I'm at school? Besides working. Does he think of me?
As usual, I may only get to see him in the morning, and at night.

*************

An hour or so later, Dad and I head to the park. The park is probably the place I haven't been to in forever. Last time I came here was when I was... Eleven — no... I can't remember. I remember being younger than eleven.

Dad and I walk on the concrete path. "Dad," I say. He looked at me. "When do you think you'll be done with your research?" Dad looked off into a distance, probably thinking, then looked back at me.
"I don't know. Why? Is everything okay?" He asked.
No.
"Yeah," I answer, "Everything's fine."
It's really not.
Dad nodded. I didn't have the courage to tell him that I'm not okay. Physically, I'm fine. Mentally... I'm sick of having no one around me when in solitude. By not telling him, I thought it would make him feel like he's a horrible father — which he's not. Never has he been.

It's not his fault that he needs to work. He does it so I can have education; so that we don't go broke.

"Kerry," Dad looks at me. "Are you ok?"
Can't you see I'm not? Can you figure it out without me hurting you?
"Yeah! I'm fine." I reply. I was smiling. It was fake.
"Are you sure? You look a little pale," Dad says.
Could you just... Stay with me?
"Dad," I forced a laugh. "I'm fine!"
No I'm not. I don't feel good, I don't feel like myself.
Dad put his arm around me, and I leaned on him a little. My head felt like a brick was in it; it hurt and was clogged up.

We spent a few more hours at the park until the day had to end. Dad and I were heading out of the park, when I saw this kiosk with some cute bracelets. I didn't want a pink and fluffy one, but these leather brown ones with small strips of leather strung down with a few beads caught my eye. I told Dad to wait a minute. I bought 2, then went back up to Dad, and handed him one.

"For you," I smile, handing it to him. "And for me." I put mine on as he did too.
"I like these," Dad smiled. I smiled as we walked out of the park.

Today was special to me. I'm glad I spent it with Dad. As Dad and I got to the car, he was going to his side, when I felt that pull again. It felt like I had a magnet inside of me, and it was attracting to another metal. As if I got hit by an invisible force, I was light headed and fumbled a bit. I shook off the feeling, and got into the car.

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( I w a n t a m c g r i d d l e )
i just love this gif as well :)))