Being a Banner [ 1 of JA ]

45

During the whole week Jax and Levi didn't talk to me once. I felt so lonely, like Dad leaving for work and never seeing me sun up or sun down. It amazed me that he was still home the one day a month ago. I knew it was it only chance of seeing him. We only saw each other barely if I needed to stay up later for him to come home and sign something for me. In the morning he'd always be gone before me, not leaving a trace of him behind.
"Hey, Kerry," I hear behind me. It was Willa Vanderson. "You look sad, you okay?"
"Yeah," I reply, "I'm totally—"
"Hey, Willa!" a boy I've never seen before calls out. He smiles and waves at her as another girl points down the hall.
"Oh, I've got to go, see you later," Willa smiles as she walks passed me. I watch as she joins the two others and walk laughing together in the hall.
I guess even the loneliest of people have friends.
Turning around I sigh right before I'm slammed into someone's chest. We both apologize at the same time, and upon looking at each other I freeze. It was Jax, and he was just as awkward as I was staring at him. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.
Levi was on his right, so I maneuvered around his left and immediately headed towards the bathroom. I watched the last two girls leave as I entered the very last stall. The second bell rings and all is quiet in the bathroom.
That is until I start hitting the wall with my palms. I kick at the wall once before the tears start forming in my eyes. Teardrops fall onto the white and black speckled tile floor. Maybe I could go to the nurse and call Dad to tell him I'm sick.
Sick of school, sick of friends, sick of secrets. Dad wouldn't want that though, he'd only blame himself. He'd want me to patch things up with the boys. It was all my fault and now I've got to inhale the pain.

*************

At last bell I hurried out of eighth period and hustled through the halls. When I reach the doors, I see the back of their heads through the glass. Breaking through the doors, I race down the steps and grab them both by their collars.
Levi hacks as Jax makes a choking noise. When they turn around their hands touch their throats, and Levi's eyes narrow at me.
"What the hell—"
"You deserve better than me," I say quickly before anyone else can get a word in. "I'm sorry. You both deserve someone who's honest and non-whiney. I'm sorry."
Jax looks down at me, his eyes soft and lips slightly parted as if he was going to speak. Levi scoffs and turns around, and without looking Jax grabs him by the back of his collar.
"AHCK! —Not you too!"
"We don't hate you," Jax says, "We'd just wish you'd tell us what the matter was without making a huge deal about it."
I nod, "I'm sorry, I guess the fight with Dad just screwed me up. I won't ever say 'I'm fine' again when you ask me if I'm alright. That's a petty answer for petty people, and you don't deserve a petty friend."
"Just. . .was the fight about your dad?" Jax asks. "If it's too personal, then we're sorry for trying to butt in,"
"We are?" Levi asks.
"Dad kept this secret about our family from me, and it hurt me because he never once brought it up. It's something that I've been worrying about for the past few weeks, but he's alright. The secret is stupid anyway." I wave my hands like its no big deal. Levi now looked at me with a sincere expression.
"You were afraid that it'd hurt us?" Levi asks.
"Well, first I thought it would hurt me, which then would hurt you—"
"You don't have to explain it, it's a family matter. I'm sorry we tried prying you open about it." Levi says.
"So. . .are we good?" I ask. The boys look at each other and nod. "Great. As a 'we're still friends' celebration, I was wondering if you guys want to come to the park with Dad, Dalia and I tomorrow afternoon. We'll be walking and talking. Just a friend thing." I smiled wide as both boys nodded. Jax smirked at me as he brushed his hair back. "Awesome," I smile. "Tomorrow at noon. Don't forget!"

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These next few chapters to edit will break my heart ugh I love them