Aftertaste (Sin #2)

XXXIX.

I don't stand there for long because I can't. I can't watch it. I turn around and run back to the restroom because I fear I'm going to be sick. I don't even go to them and confront them, I just run away from the sight because I can't keep looking at it.

I lock myself in the restroom and sit on the closed toilet. I put my hand over my chest to feel my heart close to exploding, my breathing erratic. I'm too shocked to cry, apparently. I'm just trying to understand what I saw out there.

I should've known Lena will do something. I should've known she's up to something because the sudden change seemed suspicious, but I still wanted to give her a chance to prove herself. How terribly stupid of me.

I don't think she's ever going to leave me alone. At least not until she gets what she wants, which I still don't know what exactly it is that she wants. Me? I just want peace. I don't want to fight with somebody I don't even know for something so meaningless and pointless. I am simply not that kind of person because I hate drama in my life. I've had enough of it.

And with Alexander, there's always some kind of drama. Every week, there's something that strains our relationship and it seems like I just can't live in peace with him. But, honestly, I don't think I should've expected anything less. Drama follows him wherever he goes and that's a given. I knew it then, I know it now.

I just don't think if I can take it anymore. Because when things like this happen ... I don't know what's real and what's not. I don't know who's lying and who's telling the truth. And since things like this have been happening quite a lot, my distrust grew and grew. I was always the one who had to forgive for the mistakes and move on.

But every person has a breaking point. And I can't live like this anymore because it's simply becoming ... too much. Too many times. It used to be simpler with us and I thought I could help him to change and want to live a better life. But I'm not enough.

I can only love him, even if just for afar.

"Gabby!" Sam's voice makes me bolt up. I don't know how much time has passed since I locked myself in here. I didn't even realise I was crying, but my face is completely wet with tears. "I know you're in there. Alexander's looking for you. I made that bitch eat shit out there, by the way."

I sniffle and that makes Sam shut up. "Gabby?" she asks. "Are you okay? Come out so we can talk."

I wipe the tears from my face, but it's pointless because they keep falling. "I don't want to talk to them. I'm not coming out unless they both go away. Home, preferably."

"Gabby, babe. What you saw ..." My stomach hurls at the image. It's going to haunt me in my nightmares. "That was all Lena. Alexander's going crazy."

A sob erupts from my chest. "I don't want to see him or talk to him. Please," I say, my voice breaking. I can't look at his face and pretend everything is okay. I don't have it in me to forgive and forget tonight.