Aftertaste (Sin #2)

XLIII.

I was restless during the night and I woke Alexander up a few times. I had a hard time falling asleep and when I did, I woke up, sitting up, feeling afraid and unsafe. That was until Alex woke up and calmed me down. He helped me get through most of the night. I'm so happy about that because I don't know how I'd do it on my own.

I wake up early in the morning. Alexander slept through my alarm, all sprawled up on the bed. I can't even blame him because he was awake most of the night with me.

He comes to the bathroom when I'm getting ready for my morning class, looking all ruffled and messy, rubbing his eyes and squinting at me. He stops, dropping his hand. "What are you doing?"

"Good morning," I say brightly, looking at him in the mirror and smacking another layer of concealer under my eyes. I wear make-up on rare occasions and today just calls for it because, holy moly, do I look bad. All pale-faced with really, really dark circles that stand out and tired eyes. "I'm just getting ready for my class."

"Gabrielle," Alexander says gently, just looking at me.

He doesn't say anything more, just stands there, watching me.

"Baby," he says softly when I start coating my lashes with mascara.

"What?" I ask, turning around to face him.

He shakes his head at me, still not saying anything more.

"What is it?"

"I think you can take a day off."

I roll my lips together, already against the idea. I thought about it, sure, but I have to go. "I need to go. I can't just stay at home. I'll fall behind and I can't do that right now."

"Fuck that. You can ask someone for notes later."

I shake my head. "No. I have to go."

Alexander crosses his arms, still giving me a patient, soft look. "Why?"

"I'm tutoring today after classes."

His lips fall into a straight line, clearly displeased with my answer. "Reschedule," he recommends. Or more like demands.

I turn back around, putting my hands on the sink, hanging my head. "I'm going. I'm going because if I stay here, I'll just think about Ryder and yesterday and what he almost did. And I'd be thinking about your mother turning against me. And I'd be also thinking about how scared and lost I feel regarding us and our relationship because I don't know what to do because I have no idea what the right thing it is to do here."

I didn't realise the tears are falling down my face and I'm sliding down towards the floor until I feel Alexander's arms around me, pulling me back up and against his body. I completely break down then. I didn't let myself think about what happened last night. I just pushed it out of my mind and tried to fall asleep. That obviously didn't help.