youngblood | a.i.

fifteen || will i blackout tonight?

Sunday, September 27th- 10:03 a.m.

When I play the game of 'will I blackout tonight?' with myself, I never take into account the next morning. I barely ever drank at parties when I did go. I was always Luke and I's designated driver. I was more of a drink my sorrows away on the floor of my bedroom type, anyway. When I blackout at home, I didn't have to worry about where I would wake up the next morning because it was always on the floor of my room.

But see, last night I wasn't thinking at all. I drank till I could barely stand because I really just didn't give a shit, and like usual, it got me into more trouble than it helped. That's why when I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache, I knew I'd fucked myself over.

And I really knew I'd fucked myself over when I looked around the room and realized it wasn't mine. I wasn't on the floor of my bedroom like I usually was, but I was in someone's bedroom.

I remember Luke convincing me to come to Ashton's party while we were on the roof last night, and I remember watching Cal play Mario Kart after my exchange with Ashton when I walked in. I remember drinking till I couldn't stand in hopes of forgetting everything that had happened and I remember answering stupid questions during our truth or dare. I remembered getting dared to take a body shot off Ashton and gracefully accepting the challenge. I remember getting some stupid question about who I had slept with, and I remember taking a direct jab at Andrew. I remember how pissed he got and I remember leaving for the bathroom. I remember hearing Ashton admit he would sleep with me if I gave him the chance and I remember laughing about it as I walked off to the bathroom. And worst of all, I remember feeling the same fear pulse through my veins when a hand flew over my mouth just like it had three months prior.

I tried to sit up in the bed as the same fear from last night filled me again, but I felt a hand tighten farther around my waist as I moved. My panic spiked again as my mind fell to the absolute worst.

I didn't remember anything past Andrew dragging me into that room. I wasn't sure if I truly couldn't remember cause I blacked out or if I couldn't remember cause my subconscious erased it from my memory as much as I could.

That's why when the grip on my waist wouldn't budge, I panicked further because I didn't know just how far Andrew had gotten last night.

I looked down at my waist, noticing the shirt on my body that didn't belong to me. I felt as my breathing started becoming labored and I started struggling to get free. I listened as the body beside me mumbled in their sleep and I trailed my eyes up the arm that was wrapped around me.

I shouldn't have felt the relief that I did when I met his barely open eyes, but in that moment, that authentic green was my favorite color.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he quickly asked as he retracted his body from mine. His voice was deep and raspy from just waking up, but listening to it sounded like music to my ears. He sat up farther beside me as he sensed my panic, trying to figure out what had happened between the time he fell asleep and woke up.

"Are you okay?" he finally asked, rubbing his face as he started to wake up.

Now completely free from his grip, my mind started properly thinking. Why was I in his bed... in his clothes?

My mind couldn't process everything at once. My subconscious fell to the worst situation I could have come up with. No way I slept with Ashton Irwin. I wouldn't do that sober or blacked out drunk.

I threw myself out from under the blankets in a confused panic, standing up and looking around for my stuff. I grabbed my phone, spinning around and spotting my bodysuit on his floor, confirming to my mind what I didn't want to be true. I ran over to it, picking it up before heading towards the door.

"Angel, where are you going?" Ashton asked from behind me as he stood up from his bed.

I didn't even think about the name, rather I stood facing the door, holding the knob, ready to leave without saying another word. I looked down once more, taking a deep breath I didn't know I needed. I was ready to walk out and pretend this never happened but Ashton only got closer behind me.

"Auni-" he started saying my name, only getting out the first syllable as he tried to catch up behind me.

"Look," I cut him off, spinning around to face him. That authentic green I'd learned to adore glassed over, and the hazel I'd hated since I was a kid returned. "I don't remember what happened last night and from the looks of it, I don't think I want to. So let's just pretend this never happened and both keep our mouths shut."

I pulled the door open behind me, starting to turn to walk out when he tried again. "Let me explain, Auni-"

"I don't want to know, Ashton," I yelled as I turned back around to look at him. "Just forget I ever even came last night. I knew I was going to regret it." I turned back around, yanking the door open and heading for the stairs. I started looking around the couches for Luke when the living room came into view.

"God damn it, Auni! Just let me explain," Ashton yelled as he chased after me.

I reached the bottom step, and turned to the living room, seeing passed-out team members all across the area. Cal laid on the floor on the other side of the room, meaning it would take longer to get to him. I finally spotted Luke, completely ignoring Ashton behind me as I moved to wake him up. He laid on the couch closest to me, too close to Andrew for my own comfort. But I noticed how Andrew's face was covered in bruising, and I couldn't help but wonder who did it, but I had to focus on the task at hand.

"Luke, let's go. I want to go home," I whispered as I shook him, trying to keep myself from crying as my regret from last night sunk in. He groaned as he woke so I shook him again. "Let's go," I said louder, hearing as Ashton finally rounded the bottom step.

"I'm hungover. I'm not driving," Luke mumbled from the couch.

"Then give me the key. We're leaving," I told him as I turned to start towards the door. I turned to face Ashton, regretting even turning around.

"God, Auni, just give me a chance to speak," he said as he started towards me.

I turned back to Luke, watching as he very slowly started moving. "Luke, please. This is my lifeline. Let's go."

When he heard those words, he finally began to move. "Come on," he said as he walked behind me towards the door.

"Auni, give me a chance to explain. Nothing happened between us!" Ashton called as I walked past him. "I didn't touch you! I didn't do anything to you."

I took a deep breath as Luke reached the door, pulling it open for me to follow behind. I took one last grounding breath, speaking my last words to him before following Luke out to the car-

"Then I don't even want to know what did."