youngblood | a.i.

fifty one || the curse behind number 15

Monday, November 2nd- 5:12 p.m.

After a day filled with Advil and water, distractions, and confusion, we were officially back to the school week. I dreaded every minute of going back, especially knowing I had practice after. But it was just my luck that today wasn't just practice, but a game.

I didn't want to do it. I knew I was going to have to go onto that field and play that game like it wasn't members of my team that had broke me to this point. But I also knew I couldn't let down the other half of the team that needed me.

So I just sucked it up.

I pretended all day that nothing had happened. I changed for the game like the guy who fucked me three days prior and then broke my trust the next wasn't standing behind me.

The only person I could truly trust anymore was Calum. He had been the only person to not lie to me within the past week so I had to have faith in at least someone. He talked his usual locker room entertainment as I sat on the bench beside him. He tried his best to cheer me up but I knew I was pretty well a lost cause at this point. I knew I looked like a mess. My eyes had to be puffy from crying so much over the weekend, but Calum tried his hardest to make me smile. I gave him a couple of fake ones, hoping it would suffice enough to make him think he'd accomplished his goal.

I couldn't help but look over to Ash across the room. He sat with his back to me, leaned over the bench as he tied his cleats. I wondered if he turned that way for a reason, if it hurt him to look at me just as much as it hurt me to look at him.

Calum caught on pretty quick to the unnecessary pain I was causing myself, putting a hand on my thigh to shake me back to reality. I slowly looked back at him, and I knew he could see how destroyed I felt.

"You have to focus, Annie," he whispered, trying to keep me from falling back into my mind. "You can worry about that later but right now he's just your teammate and you have a game to win."

I nodded lightly to him, knowing that was true but it didn't make it sting any less.

All of our focus changed when Coach walked in, having more energy than anyone else in this room. He gave us our usual pep talk- telling us the best plays against this team, our starting positions, and hyping us up for the win.

I tried to forget everything happening around me, remembering at that moment that Ashton was only my teammate and nothing more. I treated it like I had Andrew for the past four months- he was a teammate, not the guy who absolutely destroyed me.

It worked for a while. We made it through warmups with no issues. I just tried to focus on my stretches instead of who was leading them.

And it got me through Coach's final pep talk and the team break, but then Coach let us all know that the scouts were here. They were looking for the best players for their college teams and it made this game so much more important for so many of the players. It made me more nervous knowing I had to be there for my team now. I couldn't let my personal issues get in the way of their future college acceptances- especially Ashton's.

I remembered how he'd told me his mom worked overtime just to keep him alive and how he worked every off-season straight through. He didn't have the money for college. He was banking on athletics.

I really couldn't fuck this up for any of them.

The first half passed by quickly, Aj and I switching in and out to give each other breaks. I played my time on the field like I always did. I was there for Ashton cause my team needed the goal, not because I'd fallen for him. And that mentality got me through the first half and into the start of the second.