From Thoughts To Words

More time with Her.

I know it wasn't space you needed,
You just needed more time with her.
I was up all night worrying about you;
How were you doing?
Had you eaten? Had you taken a shower? How your day was! How work was!
While you were up with her, doing the things we did together.
Our night time rituals that I never shared with a soul.
Things that I held close to my heart for they were sacred to me.
Only for us, to me, but it seems to you they were for you, every Tam, Nicki and Kerry.

I was fighting the biting cold with cups of steaming tea while you were wrapped up tightly in her arms.
Sharing body warmth with a stranger.
Oh wait, she wasn't a stranger.
You knew her all along,
You were seeing her on the side,
Wait, is it me you were seeing on the side?
Was she the main?
The one you could not resist?
Was I just a piece of cake that you could push away at dinner saying you were full and would take in the morning?
I mean, in the mornings you did come back,
Looking like life had squeezed all its lemons into your eyes, but it was all a show.
You told me being away from me was hard.
But seems like every night you were hard; caught between a bed that was not ours and a hard place.
Your bodies together, a piece of art on canvas.
Red sheets with white petals, just how we did it.
What a nerve! Couldn't you do it any other way?
Switch it up a bit? White sheets, red petals?
Didn't our memories haunt you?
Did you see my face in hers?

The worst part is how you came back and lied.
I believed every lie, every day.
Poison laced with honey.
Sweetness dripping from your lips.
Didn't your heart beat faster at the thought of lying to me?
Your mind race trying to find the right words to lie with?
Your fingers tremble as they touched my face ever so lightly?
Like they were not exploring another the night before?
Did you have no mercy?
I never looked at another,
Thought of another,
Touched another,
Talked to another,
All I did was look at your pictures,
Think of how you were doing,
Imagine how you touched me,
Called your phone every day and night, only for it to go to voice mail,
Wow! Was I stupid?
No, I was in love.
I thought people who loved each other didn't do each other dirty but I guess I was wrong.
I was not blind, no!
I saw it all but I still held on to you.
Because I was taught when things start falling apart, I should be the one to hold them together.
Guess where that got me?
Out in the cold with a shattered heart, a split lip, a black eye and a life hanging on a string.
See, I was still hanging in there, because I was taught to never let go.