From Thoughts To Words

Water bodies.

I am afraid of water.
I do not even know how to swim.
I am afraid of going under,
I am afraid of drowning,
I am afraid of being swept away,
I am afraid of the cold,
I am afraid of the darkness.

I am afraid of something that I do quite often.
I have gone under,
I have been swept away,
I have come close to drowning,
I have felt cold to my core,
I have been in the dark.

Sometimes I drift so far away from shore that I lose sight of everything,
Sometimes I swim and make it to shore,
Sometimes I am almost at shore but then I go under.
Sometimes I pull myself out,
Sometimes I need a helping hand,
Sometimes I lurk so deep under that I lack the strength to help or be helped.

In those moments I am choking, out of breath, tired, beaten , and I can feel my time running out.
In those moments I will have a gun to my head,
pills in my hand,
my feet on the ledge,
a rope to my neck,
a razor to my wrist.
These are the moments when my thoughts become tempestuous waters.
These are the moments when the waters rise and storms build.
These are the moments when it thunders so loudly that everything else is blocked out.
These are the moments when lightnimg strikes and it burns.

At least I can stay away from water bodies,
But from this body, there is no escape.