Recuperation

Truth about the past

Justin's pov 

"Have you been in a relationship where you have been judged to be a failure?" My therapist Lauren questioned me and I shook my head slowly, "N-No, Jason is the first person I h-have been in a relationship with." I answered honestly. I mean I had a girlfriend back when I was in nursery but I don’t think that counts seen as I didn't even know what a relationship was back then. 

"Ok, Who do you call upon when you heart is hurting to mentor you?" She asked and once again I answered the question, I think she was starting to realize that Jason was the main person in my life, "Jason." I spoke and she smiled writing down what I was saying.  

"Alright and how does Jason help you with that?" I pursed my lips and thought about how to answer that, "W-Well, he comforts me, he tells me all the things t-that he loves about me, he makes s-sure to talk it out and not let me go off subject b-because he believes that if I don’t talk about it then I will not be able t-to move on from it and he sings to m-me sometimes." 

"And do you find these things help?" She asked and I nodded my head slowly.  

Lauren read over what she had written for a few moments before placing the lid end of her pen between her teeth as she thought about what to ask me next probably.  

I had been here for three days now since I had said bye to my family and things have been ok but I miss Jason so much because I haven't been allowed to contact him in any way as I settled down here, I knew he missed me too thought, I could feel it. 

"What is your biggest vulnerability in yours and Jason's relationship?" Lauren questioned and I bit my bottom lip, She told me that she would be asking me these questions just so she has a back ground before she actually gets into the nitty gritty of the situation. 

"P-Probably him leaving me, At this stage I love him s-so much that if he went back to h-hitting me, I wouldn't leave him." I whispered feeling a little ashamed at that because I don’t condone abuse.  

"I know it sounds b-bad but I feel like because I have already been through it t-then if I love him enough I should be able to put up w-with it again, I don’t want to lose him." I whimpered slightly feeling the urge to curl myself into a ball and cut. 

Lauren's face stayed stoic as I frowned to myself, "Well Justin that isn't the way to think, any type of abuse isn't condonable and whether or not you love the person it shouldn't matter, I know you are afraid and I understand how much you are in love with this man but you should never stay in a relationship if you are being abused." 

Lauren didn't wait for me to say anything before she moved on to another question and I was glad of that because I didn't want to talk about it anymore. 

"Do you have prejudices?" She asked and I furrowed my eyebrows, "Um, I d-don’t think I do, I'm not sure." I whispered in confusion as I tried to think of anything I could be prejudice about.  

"That's ok Justin remember you don’t rush yourself, We have plenty of time and work at your pace." 

I nodded and licked my dry lips before picking up my glass of water and taking a sip.  

"Being loved, Being left, Being needed and not being needed, Which of these things scares you the most?" Lauren questioned while slipping her glasses up the bridge of her nose.  

"There isn't one that s-scares me the most, t-they all scare me equally." I whispered before carrying on as she listened to me intently. I never thought that I would be able to speak to someone so openly about everything, especially someone that is paid to care but it's easier than speaking to anyone at home about things.