Recuperation

3 weeks, 3 days, 3 hours, 3 minutes and 3 seconds

[Picture is Xavier]

Justin Bieber

"Please s-stop." I whispered as they hit me again, the sound of skin hitting skin echoing in the room making me cringe as I lay against the cold and hard concrete floor.

My body was so cold and every single movement I made, no matter how big or small, felt like one hundred needles were being stabbed into me at once and I was slowly becoming numb to the hits I have been receiving.

If I thought that Jason's hits hurt, these were fifty times worse than he could have ever hit me. 

These men had hands as rough as sandpaper and as hard as stone, they sometimes used objects such as paddles and wooden rulers to break my skin the best that they possibly could and now I was completely fed up with being treated like I was a piece of trash and I don't think I can ever look at wood the same way.

I don't know how long I have been here now, but it seems like I have been locked down in this dark basement for years. I know that it hasn't been that long, but when you are stuck down here with hardly any food or water and no entertainment, you start to lose track of reality.

Although I was used to not eating a lot, I'm not used to having nothing at all, but they have only been giving me one tea plate full of leftovers every other few days or so, so it seemed, maybe I was just being delusional. 

My skin was thick with dirty and blood from the lack of washing, my teeth felt like they were rotting in my mouth from not brushing them, my bones felt like they were going to snap if I even moved the wrong way.

I knew that my face was sunken in and I knew that I was at the skinniest I have ever been and I also knew that Jason, my love was probably going out of his mind trying to look for me. I know that he will not rest until he finds me and I know that he is slowly sinking into a severe depression that he may not be able to get out of. 

He was only just starting to try and fix himself with what happened to him as a child and now this has been added on top of it. 

Deep down, I hoped that he would just give up and move on, I wanted him to just forget that he had ever met me and I wanted him to fix himself because he deserves to be happy after everything he has been through, but I know that if he was here right now he would tell me that I am his only source of happiness and that if he doesn't have me then he cant be happy. 

That isn't true though, anyone can be happy without a person they think they have no happiness with, you just need to learn how to break that connection that you have with them and move on.

At the end of the day, happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to be like and what you think the norm for your life is and loving it for everything that it is and everything that you want it to be.

I wanted that for Jason because I could feel myself slowly dying from hunger and the loss of blood, I could feel my heart slowly giving up on its job of pumping the blood that I had left around my body, it's beats have become laboured and heavy.

I could feel my brain slowly shutting down as I was physically and emotionally abused on a daily bases and I was thankful that they hadn't sexually abused me, yet. 

They keep telling me that they're going to touch me and that they are going to record it and send it to Jason, but every time they go to do something that same young boy that warned us always came in and interrupted before they could lay a hand on me.

Every time that he came back to interrupt he would always have bruises and deep cuts along his face and I am sure that he had some on his body as well.