Recuperation

Realization

Justin's pov

As I looked into Jason's almost white eyes and uttered those three words, "I need help." I knew I had made the right decision in that moment. 

After everything that has happened and after seeing my nan wherever I was, I have realized that I am not ok, I am not well and I need to sort myself out, if not for me then for my mum, boyfriend and best friend. 

As I sat there looking into Jason's now tear filled and tired eyes, I could feel how ill I actually was, my chest was aching in a pain that was making it really hard for me to breath, but I wasn't going to say that, my arms and legs felt weak as I shifted uncomfortably at all the eyes that were now focused on me, my lips were chapped and dry and I had to lick them to keep them moist, I hated it when my lips were dry. 

I looked down at myself and noticed how sunken in my stomach was and how perceptible my ribs were, how ugly my body truly looked, I always thought it was ugly, but that was me seeing myself as fat, now that I was seeing it for what it truly is I was even more disgusted with myself.

Frowning, I looked at my arms where it was just skin and bone, the cuts were very noticeable and made me feel even worse than I already felt looking at my stomach, licking my lips again and looking back up, Jason had placed his head on my lap and was sobbing uncontrollably, mumbling how thankful he was that I had noticed how ill I was.

I lifted up my hand slowly and hesitantly then placed it in his dark brown locks running my fingers through soothingly, feeling a hand being placed on my shoulder and I looked up to see my mum smiling through her tears as she looked at me with so much love that I hadn't noticed before.

"Thank you Justin," She whispered as she ran her hand over my cheek, "Thank you so much for finally noticing baby, we will get you the best help out there and you will get better in your own time, I missed you so much." She whispered then ran out the room crying, I knew she did that because she knew that I hated seeing her upset. 

Demi walked over to me next and was in the same state that my mother was, "Hey beautiful," She whispered placing a kiss on my cheek and all I could do was smile brokenly at her, "I'm so glad you're back best friend, I missed you more than I miss candy floss," She murmured running her fingers through my hair as I continue to try and sooth Jason as he still cried.

"I love you Jay." She whispered leaning forward and kissing my cheek again.

"I L-Love you too." I whispered back.

"I'll just go and check on your mum and give you two some space." She smiled then leant down and kissed the top of Jason's head before walking out the room to see if my mum is ok, I let out a quiet sigh and looked down at the crying boy in my arms.

What have I done to him? 

He looks awful, nothing like how I remember him to be before I tried to commit, Jason looked healthy and stronger, but now he looks weak and drawn just like I do but not as bad as me, "What h-have I done to you?" I whispered to myself, but obviously he heard it and shot his head up to look at me with a stern glare. 

"Don't you even think that you have done anything wrong to me Justin." He spoke loud and clear making sure I heard every word and I knew he was serious because I haven't heard him use my name in a while because he always calls me baby or pumpkin and any other pet name he has for me. 

"B-But Jason look at you, you look ill a-and you didn't look like that b-before I had done this, so its my f-fault." I spoke shaking my head while trying to get him to understand my point, but he just shook his head stubbornly right back at me making me frown.