Recuperation

Christmas eve

Justin Bieber

I bit my lip nervously, squeezing my own intertwined fingers together tightly as I looked towards the dark wood flooring, I didn't want to look this person in the eyes but I knew I had to at some point, so with that thought in mind, I took slow and deep breaths to try and stop myself from having another anxiety attack because since I had that one yesterday I have been absolutely terrified of having another one so I have been doing as Jason told me to, and that was to take deep breaths. 

I imagined him placing me in his lap and running his long fingers through my hair to keep me calm and it was working because I completely forgot where I was, but then I remembered as I heard the soft click of a window opening. 

I glanced up to see the woman stood there smiling as she looked outside the window then turned to sit back down and continued to smile at me, "Is it ok if I have the window open Justin?" She asked softly, but to me it came across as a bit condescending and I didn't like that so I tried to reassure myself that she was here to help me not make me feel worse about myself. 

So thinking that, I slowly nodded my head as a yes that it was ok for her to open the window, in fact I kind of seek comfort in the breeze that was blowing in through the window, the birds that were chirping happily and the sound of children's laughter, it made me feel just that little less trapped in here.  

The lady grabbed what seemed to be a new notepad and opened it to a fresh page writing down my name, age and the date at the top making me furrow my eyebrows but not question it, I wasn't confident enough to question her anyway. 

"Ok Justin, my name is Lauren and I am going to be your counsellor for your time spent here, you can confide in me about everything and anything, even if we don't have a session and you want to speak to me, just tell someone at the desk and I will get you in here as quickly as possible, I want you to trust me and I want you to know that I am here to help you, anything said in this room will not leave this room, ok?" The lady who I now know is Lauren spoke and I just nodded again not trusting her just yet. 

"This is just an assessment, this is for me to get to know you a little more and see what type of things I will be doing with you to help you and it is also for you to also get to know me and get used to me, are you ready to start?" She asked and I once again nodded my head.  

Lauren looked at a book to the side for a moment before looking back at me, "Right so, it seems like you know yourself pretty well and have thought a bunch about what you would like to talk about here with me, people who show up here have a courage galore, perhaps even a tad bit of exasperation-" She paused.

"If you don't mind I am going to be asking you some questions and writing notes about what you say so I can look back on them to keep a fresh memory, please feel free to interrupt me at any time, if you want to steer the conversation to where you want it to go." She spoke, letting everything she was saying sink in so I understood what was going to be happening.

"O-Ok." I whispered making her smile and nod. 

"Alright, let's start, in your mind, what brings you here today Justin?" She asked, then waited patiently for me to answer.

"U-Uhm, I've known for a while that I-I wasn't ok and I am just sick of not being well, I-I just want to be happy again, so I came here f-for help with my problems." I spoke quietly and I knew she was straining to hear me, but I couldn't help it.

"That's great," She spoke as she wrote down what I was saying, "Have you seen a counsellor before?" She asked.

I shook my head, "N-No this is the first t-time." I whispered, playing with my fingers nervously as she nodded and wrote it down again looking very concentrated in what she was doing.